WHEN COMPETITION BECOMES THE MEASURE OF OUR WORTH

There is a disturbing observation I have made, and that is the competitive attitude of the typical African man. The competition itself is not the issue; my major concern is where and at what rate it occurs.

I was having a conversation yesterday with a colleague when she told me about a friend who works different jobs. By that, I mean he only gets to rest once a week.

It is clear that he is struggling to keep up. One might be tempted to describe it as hustling, as we often call it. He was already working very hard, which in itself is not a bad thing. However, it became disturbing when she mentioned that he was doing all this because he wanted to have a wedding worth ₦50 million.

The hall alone is ₦10 million, while the total cost, excluding logistics, is close to ₦40 million.

The only reason he is doing all this is because he wants to show people that he has made it.

There is nothing wrong with spending the money you have made, but my concern is the culture we embrace while, at the same time, blaming our leaders when they buy private jets instead of renovating schools and hospitals.

This competition has also trickled down into families. Husbands and wives are now competing over who is going to earn more instead of working together. While this might seem like thriving on the surface, what lies beneath it can be a lack of trust, insecurity, and low self-esteem.

This culture of validation is also evident all over social media, where people post their daily activities, children, and family lives just to seek other people’s approval.

Sometimes, we don’t even realise that we are doing these things. We major in minor things. We focus on frivolities and neglect the substantial things that truly matter.

A wedding is good, but the marriage itself is more important. What exactly are you trying to prove? Many people are still repaying loans they took to finance marriages that have already ended.

When brothers gather, the questions often begin: What are you doing now? I have done this. I have achieved that.

This is part of the reasons there is so much pressure on young people.

“Oh! My mates are driving the latest cars, and I am still trekking.”

A simple statement like this has contributed to the desperation of many young people, and in some cases, has placed unbearable pressure on their parents because their children want to make it very quickly.

Before I forget, I have also noticed how quick we are to claim other nationalities rather than embrace our own identity. There is an ongoing debate about becoming a citizen of a country after living there for many years, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, to begin arguing that you are now indigenous to the land simply because of a piece of paper and the number of years you have lived there raises questions about identity and belonging.

My people, let us prioritise unity and cooperation. Let us learn to live within our means.

The truth is that most of the things we struggle to acquire today are not worth sacrificing our lives for.

On a wider scale, we see this competition among African countries. South Africa, instead of working with her brothers to strengthen the continent, has at various times seen hostility towards other Africans, including efforts to drive some out. On the other hand, countries such as Kenya have taken different approaches and recognised the importance of African unity.

There are counterfeit and fake products everywhere because people are competing at the expense of other people’s lives. You simply want to make it at all costs.

Marriages are in shambles because of unhealthy competition. Families are under pressure. Young people are becoming desperate. Communities are divided.

The list goes on.

But the earlier we begin to work together, the better it will be for our families, communities, and nations.

Competition in itself is not bad. It can motivate us to improve, grow, and achieve more. However, the unhealthy utilisation of competition is what becomes destructive.

Unity and cooperation are among the first tools we need to liberate our minds. We seriously need to prioritise what we want for ourselves, our families, our country, and the world at large.

Let us learn to celebrate one another without feeling the need to outdo one another.

Let us learn to succeed without making another person’s success a threat to our own.

Be your brother’s keeper.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

WHEN YOU CHOOSE YOUR PARTNER, CHOOSE YOUR FAMILY

It was in the early hours of Saturday morning, at approximately 6 a.m., that neighbours gathered around Eric’s corner of the apartment. The children were crying in the background, while Mama Chikamso could be heard hurling insults and calling Eric names.

Sometimes, it is difficult to understand where the malice or anger people have towards you originated.

This was Eric’s account as he narrated that he and his wife had spent the entire night chatting and laughing before eventually falling asleep. He could not understand the sudden change in her demeanour or the name-calling. He was as upset as he was scared.

“What is this?” he questioned himself.

Mama Chikamso was not backing down. She insisted on going back to her father’s house and boldly declared that the marriage was over.

Everyone tried to intervene and ascertain what had gone wrong, but she was determined not to say anything. She eventually left with her children.

Eric was left alone in his house, surrounded by confusion and questions. Rumours had already begun to spread that his wife had left him. He sat down and attempted to call his in-laws but eventually decided to go there in person.

He arrived about 30 minutes after his wife had narrated her concerns to her family.

She said she wanted a divorce because people she trusted had told her that Eric had been sleeping with his secretary.

This was the first time Eric had heard of the allegation.

She also accused him of not giving her enough attention because, according to her, other activities were more important to him than she was. Everyone was taken aback when she stated that her husband had only been with her because of the children and therefore cherished them more than he cherished her.

All these accusations and more were levelled against Eric without any substantial evidence.

Eric assured her that he was not having an affair with his secretary and that he would love her regardless of whether they had children or not. He reminded her that their children were products of the love they shared, not the reason for their relationship.

She insisted that she wanted out and asked him to choose. As far as she was concerned, she had already chosen to have the children, the car, and the apartment.

Eric said, “You can have all that if it will make you happy.”

And when he was asked to choose, he chose her.

It was at this point that she realised the point Eric had been trying to make all along.

Family is a unit, and the idea that you exist outside your immediate family is a fallacy that has produced competitive partners instead of cooperative ones.

It is the unification of masculine and feminine energy that creates stability. Just like in electricity, like charges repel, while opposite charges attract.

The story above illustrates the danger of a single narrative and, in my view, is a classical example of what many women are asking of men today.

The truth is that the clarion call for freedom, independence, and opportunity to thrive has, in some cases, been presented in a way that deceives women into believing that someone is preventing them from attaining a certain height in life. And, in many cases, the finger is pointed at their partners.

Perhaps you have heard these phrases:

“Marriage will cage you.”

“Marriage will kill your dream.”

“You ought to pay me pushing fee or gift.”

Whatever that marketing strategy is called, ask yourself: what right do men have in the world today that women do not have?

There is none.

So, one of the most important decisions anyone can make is to choose a partner who understands the meaning of friendship, teamwork, family, and cooperation. This is one of the ways people find fulfilment.

I recently watched a clip of a young lady who was raised by a single mother. She became a feminist and climbed to the top of her career. She bought a house and accomplished everything largely on her own, believing that she did not need a man for anything.

According to her, it was only after she had accomplished all these things that she realised she needed a family. She wanted her children to have what she did not have, and it was at that point that she understood the meaning and importance of being fulfilled.

There may be money, a house, influence, and independence, but what does it mean when you are not fulfilled or have someone with whom to enjoy them?

I know there are other means of getting pregnant without having to be with a man, but have you thought about the child who will be born in such circumstances? That child will eventually grow up and learn the truth.

What then becomes of that child—their sanity, identity, and perception of life?

“I am sorry” does not take away the pain, loss, and rejection that can come from a single decision made under societal influence and hurt.

My point, in a nutshell, is for you to understand that family is very important in fulfilling one’s life.

Therefore, dare to overcome your hurt. Heal. Determine to derive joy and happiness from the faces of your little ones, knowing that they get to experience what you did not.

If having a family is your dream and goal, you must be intentional about choosing someone who will spend the rest of your life with you—someone you can build and grow with.

Do not lose someone who cherishes and loves you because you are afraid of being abandoned. Heal from your past, commit to self-development, and believe me, marriage and relationships can be good.

Do not be discouraged by those who are being swayed by the new societal wave of independence, just like Mama Chikamso. Instead, decide to choose what matters most to you because you deserve happiness.

The choices you make today will either comfort you tomorrow or confront you. Do not allow people with false narratives to prevent you from building a healthy family for yourself, your partner, and your children.

Be fruitful and multiply my dear, don’t mind those with population-control ideology, maka na onye siri nwata jide nkakwu ga enye ya mmiri o ga e ji kwucha aka. (He who gave a child a mouse to hold, will surely provide a washing hand bowel-Igbo proverb).

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Like, comment, and share.

LIVING WITH PURPOSE: WHEN MATERIAL GAIN MUST NEVER COME BEFORE HUMAN LIFE.

In order to organise your life effectively and live it to the fullest, you must be guided by your purpose. This means that you must be able to say no, even to a good idea or to someone you love, when what they are asking of you does not align with your purpose.

I have previously shared that one of the simplest ways to discover your purpose is to pay attention to what you are passionate about and what makes you uncomfortable when left undone.

For instance, if seeing people in pain or suffering makes you uncomfortable and you cannot find peace knowing that nothing is being done about it, then perhaps you should work towards being in a position to alleviate such suffering, whether as a doctor, nurse, advocate, or in another capacity.

Do not be like some people whose purpose happened to them instead of discovering it for themselves.

Recently, in Niger State, about 37 able-bodied young men were reportedly kept in horrible conditions, and they eventually lost their lives.

Behind every person who lost his life is a father, a son, an uncle, a husband, a brother, or a friend.

What then becomes of their families?

This raises serious questions, not only about negligence, but also about the values and priorities of those entrusted with responsibility. When material resources and interests are placed above human lives, it raises an even deeper question: What is our purpose?

The Word of God reminds us that we are in the world but not of the world. Over time, we have seen images and stories of wealthy people from generations past. Their houses eventually fall into ruin, their cars are abandoned, and their material possessions remain behind, ultimately in the custody of the living.

I am not advocating poverty, nor am I against prosperity. What I sincerely stand for is that our purpose in life should not be the accumulation of material possessions at the expense of other people’s lives.

It is important that people begin to speak up and stand against evil wherever they see it. Everyone seems to think, “It is happening in another state; it does not concern me,” until it eventually reaches their doorstep.

This is also a campaign season. Do not allow yourself to suffer temporary amnesia and be swayed by momentary gains.

Remember what is happening. Remember whose responsibility it is to protect you. And remember who those in positions of responsibility are choosing to protect or prioritise.

Above all, do not simply exist. Organise your life around your purpose.

Develop the courage to say no to anything that does not align with, or bring you closer to, your purpose—even when it appears to be a good idea.

It is about living an impactful life. It is about becoming fulfilled and using the tools at your disposal—money, influence, intelligence, knowledge, and character—to make the world around you a better place.

Many people who have lost their sense of purpose end up living someone else’s dream. You see this when people become involved in activities such as thuggery and other forms of criminality.

It is our responsibility to help redirect such people back to themselves, to help them discover their own purpose, reclaim their dignity, and become their authentic selves. It is also our responsibility to speak up against evil.

Reality check:
You are not here forever therefore you should not allow your passion to die within you.
Make no excuses.
Get up and keep moving forward, because no wind favours a ship without a direction and destination.

May the souls of the 37 young men who lost their lives find peace, and may their deaths inspire the courage and collective action needed to ensure that such tragedies do not continue to prevail.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Like, comment, and share.

BREAKING THE BARRIERS YOU CAN NO LONGER SEE

A man saw a wounded eagle and brought it home. He nursed and nurtured it. However, during the process of treatment, he provided a limited space within which the eagle could fly around. It was not as high as the mountain where the eagle used to live, but a temporary environment it was subjected to because of its injury.

The man eventually completed the treatment and decided to set the eagle free. However, something interesting was observed. Despite being exposed to the tallest mountain, the eagle never flew beyond the level it had been conditioned to during its treatment.

Some of us have been mentally conditioned to operate at a certain level in our lives.

It is those conditioning tools that we are going to explore today, so that you can identify your own and work on them.

The idea is to give you some instances, then implore you to question yourself and decide to become who you were meant to be.

It is clear from the eagle’s story that it never ceased to be an eagle. However, the retention of the physical barrier that once held it back in its mind prevented the eagle from even attempting to go higher.

Truthfully, I know the eagle must have attempted to fly higher while in confinement, experienced failure, and then decided there was no point trying again. Those beliefs prevented it from rising higher, even when the barriers were no longer there physically.

Does this sound familiar?

Slave masters are long gone, yet many are still operating as though someone needs to validate them before they can be considered worthy.

Anyway, previously, we discussed the story or belief that you hold about yourself. Today, we are continuing by exploring the consequences of mental barriers and how to break through them.

What, then, are the common forms of mental barriers that people can hold?

First is inherent thinking.

Personally, I believe most people in Africa suffer from this way of thinking and perception.

Inherent thoughts are thoughts handed over to you as a child or an adult by a trusted person—thoughts that you feel you cannot refuse or are forbidden to question.

Most times, these thoughts were born out of love for you, in order to protect and shield you from jealousy, heartbreak, or disappointment.

However, in some other cases, they are fears disguised as love and care, which are not necessarily true about what you are capable of becoming.

Examples of such beliefs include, but are not limited to:

“Our family are not good business people.”

“Abroad doesn’t favour our family.”

“Politics is a deadly game.”

“Nigeria cannot be better again.”

“Africa’s history is all about slavery.”

“We don’t have the head for education.”

“Illiteracy runs in our family.”

And so on.

Many people are going about their lives with these kinds of thoughts and beliefs because of what they were told as children.

Those who sold such ideas to them might have been doing so simply because one person in their family made a wrong decision, or someone travelled abroad and never came back. It can also stem from witnessing a war or experiencing some other misfortune.

However, that should not necessarily become your truth.

It is therefore important to question the thoughts and beliefs that you have and ascertain whether they are still true or applicable in this present day and time.

Find a way to do something and start doing it one step at a time. Change the way you look at your life, and your life will change.

The second barrier is experience.

Most of us have had terrible experiences with circumstances. Some people have trusted a friend who betrayed them, gone into a business that failed, or loved someone who left them at their lowest.

Experience becomes a barrier when we measure our lives by the events we encounter instead of viewing life experiences as lessons and information.

There is no doubt that some experiences are irreversible and unbearable, but the fact that you are still standing means it is not your end.

I read somewhere that what rich men in Rome did was to always sleep on the floor twice a week. This was to test and remind themselves that they could still survive without all their wealth once they had themselves intact.

I am not saying you should go and lie on the floor, but rather, see every experience as an opportunity to grow. Channel the pain into constructive rebuilding, and never allow it to limit you.

Okwa siri umu ya, ha turu ji, ha turu mgbalaogwu, maka onye nwe ji nwere ya, ha enwere mgbalaogwu jide ume.

(The goose advised her children that as they eat yam, they should also eat the roots, so that when the farmer harvests the yam, they would still have something to feed on.)

It is called having a Plan B and not allowing conformity to shield you from reality.

Finally, another mental barrier is success.

For some people, success in one area creates the fear of losing it. They become afraid of trying anything new because of the unending quest to sustain their wealth or position.

An old saying puts it well:

“What you hold, you lose, and what you give, you have.”

Do not allow anyone or any belief to hold you back from becoming what you were destined to be. Also, ensure that you do not project your fears or limitations onto your children, friends, or family.

Nevertheless, the only way to overcome these barriers is to positively feed your mind, question every thought you have, and know who is speaking to you.

Many times, you hear musicians, athletes, doctors, and others narrate how their parents almost prevented them from reaching their goals.

It is not necessarily that your parents or guardians do not want you to succeed. Sometimes, they are simply scared that you might go out there and fail, and therefore, they believe it is better that you do not try at all.

Sadly, comfort does not make you a hero. It does not guarantee success or fulfilment.

Gold must go through the fire before it can be seen as precious.

Do not allow the Nigerian environment to limit the possibility of what you can become. Do not allow those who mistake stealing for cleverness to discourage you from being upright.

Build a strong mind and become who you are meant to be.

If you can see it in your mind, you can hold it in your hand. Just make sure it is worth holding and that it will bring you fulfilment.

Grow beyond whatever has happened to you.

Dare to become yourself!

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Which barrier resonated with you? And what other barriers do you think exist?

Leave a comment, like, share, and follow. Let’s grow as a family.

THE CONVERSATION YOU HAVE WITH YOURSELF

There comes a time in every man’s life when he needs to sit quietly and have a conversation with himself.

The issue is not whether you talk to yourself, but the kind of conversation you have with yourself.

Evidence has shown that the heights we attain in life depend greatly on the thoughts, beliefs, and conversations we hold within ourselves. It is therefore important that, as individuals, we consciously feed our minds with positive values, principles, and beliefs.

Your self-concept is a powerful tool for navigating this complex and challenging world. It is not only about what people say to you; more importantly, it is about what you say to yourself and what you believe about yourself.

It is your responsibility to see yourself as someone who is worthy, valuable, and deserving of respect. When you recognise your own worth, you are better positioned to command the respect of others.

Do not harbour negative thoughts about yourself. Do not nurture negative beliefs about who you are. As the saying goes, “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”

My message to you today is simple: always see yourself as someone deserving of respect, love, and care. Then, work every day to grow into the person you would be proud to meet.

In your private moments, be mindful of what you are thinking and saying to yourself. Those inner conversations can either build you up or tear you down. They can influence how you respond to life, how you see yourself, and how you navigate difficult circumstances.

So, say these words to yourself every day. Believe them. Live them. Become them:

I am forgiving.
I act respectfully.
I am kind.
I act with integrity.
I seek wisdom.
I embrace self-discipline.
I remain humble.
I cultivate inner peace.
I am generous.

Embrace these values and keep speaking them into your life. With time, they become more than words—they become part of who you are.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.

ARE YOU PART OF THE PROBLEM OR PART OF THE SOLUTION?

Today is the future you spoke about yesterday, and what your tomorrow becomes will also depend on what you are doing today.

If you are paying attention, you will discover the amount of distraction that comes our way every day—from politicians who choose lies over working for their people, to social media platforms that seem hungry for bad news to report.

Villagers are running away from bandits, while the very forces that are meant to protect them deny that these things ever happened.

When you turn around, you see a high rate of fake products being sold at high prices to vulnerable people, leading to organ damage, frequent hospitalisation, and high mortality rates.

One is then forced to ask: Is this the tomorrow we all hoped for?

I can say that the only people who seem focused are the bad eggs among us, whose actions often go overlooked.

Politicians get away with callous behaviour once they play the ethnic or religious card. Fake manufacturers and illegal business operators get away with their activities once they satisfy hungry officials whom corrupt politicians have refused to pay adequately.

And the people are dancing, joking, and playing pranks online, waiting for the next person to come down with a health condition.

The truth is, who will blame a man who chooses to make a living online instead of committing a crime? No one.

However, the Igbo people have a saying: “Ebe onye bi ka o na-awachi.” This means that wherever a person finds himself, he should make that place safe, hospitable, and habitable for himself and everyone else.

If this becomes the ideology of every citizen, then people will report wrongdoing instead of participating in the political thuggery that has kept many in perpetual poverty.

My point is simple: one person can make a difference.

We should not wait for things to turn out well when our actions, thoughts, and words are in direct contradiction to what we say we want.

It is common for people to say, “Nigeria has been spoilt beyond repair,” or “This is no longer a country.” although, the evidence on the ground points to a serious decline in our national harmony, patriotism, and economy. However, we should remember that we have no other place to go.

And if this is true, then we owe ourselves the duty to start rebuilding—beginning with getting our Permanent Voter’s Cards, refusing to participate in thuggery, and educating ourselves.

The law of polarity also suggests that two opposing ends exist in life: one positive and one negative. We are constantly moving between these ends in different aspects of our lives, based on our decisions and choices.

It could be between good and bad, success and failure, or easy political money and good governance.

Whatever the choice may be, decide to pursue the positive side, even when all the odds seem to be against you.

I know you may ask: “What exactly do you want us to do in a country that does not value its citizens?”

My dear, while our feelings and observations may be true, those of us who are sober must work together, starting with our daily decision to do what is right even when no one is watching.

We must learn and understand their game and beat them at it—not through corruption or manipulation, but by deciding to keep a clean record. Gradually, more people will summon the courage to stand up to the few who are destroying our land.

Additionally, we should rise above hatred, ethnicity, religion, and tribalism. Instead, we should see humanity as the main goal.

Remember, I am not saying you should be naive or tolerate manipulation. I am saying that we should be proactive and honest in our day-to-day activities.

I sincerely believe that avoidance and loss of interest are not what will get us the country we all deserve.

Unfortunately, we have many idiots among us, but we will not allow them to prevail.

Decide to become a patriot. The future generation needs you.

A New Nigeria is possible!

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Onuora Obodoechi

So, let me ask you:

Are you part of the problem, or are you part of the solution?

Like, comment, and share.

IKENGA GI Ọ DỊ ILE? — THE STRENGTH WITHIN YOU

Maduka had just graduated from the University of Nigeria, Nsukka, with a First Class degree in Human Anatomy. Being the first child in his family, and the first person in his entire village to obtain a university degree, his achievement was more than just an accomplished milestone; it was a great honour to his father, Ichie Silas Obiekezie.

His father was seen dancing alongside family members, joyfully saying, “Ikenga m dị ile”—literally, “My God is faithful.” Everyone responded simultaneously, “Ọ dị ya oo!” (It is so!)

I know you might be wondering: In this modern age and time, how can someone still be talking about all these “fetish” things?

Now, let us actually reflect on what Ikenga means and represents.

There is a saying that when one’s personal god, or Ikenga, loses its potency, it inevitably becomes firewood.

We often view Ikenga simply as a deity, but the truth is that Ikenga can also be understood as a representation of one’s inner self and strength—strength that is built and reinforced by the record of successes achieved and trials overcome in the course of everyday life.

When viewed physically, Ikenga is a piece of carved wood with deep-rooted cultural meaning. Traditionally, it is believed to bring success and fortune to its custodian.

The word Ikenga is derived from ike (strength or power) and nga (pride, respect, or ego). When paraphrased, it can be understood as “the source of my power and pride.”

I know you may now be asking: What, then, is Ikenga, and why has it lost its popularity in today’s society?

Let me take you back a little.

In the olden days, before religious conquest and colonisation, many Igbo households had an Ikenga. Before a farmer went to his farm, he would remind himself, through his Ikenga, of what he hoped to accomplish that day.

The idea of Ikenga was to serve as a record of success and a reference point for what one had accomplished. In other words, Ikenga was not merely a deity; it was an idea created by our forefathers that allowed an individual to recognise and celebrate himself.

When the going became tough, a man would beckon on his Ikenga, reminding himself of the wars he had survived and the successes he had achieved in the past. In doing so, he found the strength to face whatever obstacles lay ahead.

A man drew inspiration from his Ikenga. He went to war with his Ikenga. He celebrated himself and boasted of his achievements through his Ikenga.

Hence, when a man became hopeless, it simply meant that he had lost touch with his accomplishments and, perhaps, with the reality of his own strength. At that point, he could see the carving only for what it physically was—a piece of painted firewood.

Our forefathers did not have the modern concepts of positive affirmation, motivational talks, or even a mirror in front of which to recite a litany of positive affirmations. But they had their Ikenga.

Ikenga was one’s inner self represented physically through a carving, allowing an individual to communicate with, recognise, and appreciate his own strength.

So, Ikenga did not vanish; it simply changed its name.

Today, we call it positive affirmation, self-belief, journaling, motivational talks, or personal development.

In a country and on a continent that is often quick to accept almost anything foreign while dismissing its own practices, it is not surprising that some of the ancient practices of our forefathers are gradually disappearing.

A continent that has, at times, been taught to view its ancestors as evil while embracing the traditions of those who enslaved and impoverished its people may understandably struggle to recognise the wisdom contained within its own heritage.

If you recall the story in the Bible where snakes were biting the Israelites, God instructed Moses to mould a serpent so that anyone who looked at it would be healed.

The moulded serpent was the accident, while what it represented—the promise of healing—was the substance of the action.

In the same way, the cross of Jesus Christ is the physical representation, while the promise of eternal life and the hope of resurrection represent the substance.

In the same manner, what our forefathers practised may not have been the idolatry we have sometimes been led to believe it was. It can also be understood as a classical and basic philosophy of introducing man to himself.

So, any day you affirm positivity or envision good health, you are, in a sense, speaking to your Ikenga.

Any time you recount how far you have come and the successes you have achieved, regardless of what name you give it, you are praising your Ikenga.

Educate yourself, my friends.

Read and reflect on the lives and wisdom of your ancestors, because he who does not know where the rain started beating him will lack the knowledge of when it stopped and how long it lasted.

It is high time we count our teeth with our tongues and learn to see things not merely by their physical representation but by the meaning and philosophy they contain.

Ultimately, everything you need to succeed begins within you. Seek knowledge to discover those strengths and apply them in your everyday life.

Do not give up on yourself.

Put God first and listen to that inner voice of wisdom. Feed your Ikenga with positivity so that you can continue to strengthen the person within you.

So, I ask you:

Ikenga gị, ọ dị ile?
Is your inner belief in yourself still strong?

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoech

WHAT HAPPENED TO OUR FAMILY SYSTEM?

There was once a community of people who loved and cherished one another.

My people, there was a time when we all lived together—no big fences, no fear of one another. It was a period when hearing the voice of your neighbour ignited happiness; a time when men gathered together in their ebete, obi, or ogwe (village squares), as some villages call them, to discuss, gist, and reflect on the days of their youth.

Parents held meetings with their children, instilling family values and principles in them while also living those values out as examples. Folklores were told to children, and during these moments, parents learned more about their children’s thoughts and perceptions of life from the kinds of questions they asked and how they related to the stories.

From their engagement, you could identify the emotional child, the warrior, the diplomat, and, in some cases, the coward—often disguised as a wise one.

I recall one day when an elder was telling us a story about a tortoise and a lion—a story I had heard countless times. Personally, I cared less about the characters in the story; I was more focused on the moral of the story. However, one of my friends did not even allow the man to finish before stating that he did not believe the story had happened anywhere because no animal could talk.

The elderly man started laughing and jokingly called him eghu (goat). He then proceeded to teach him the art of listening to understand and the importance of questioning whatever he did not understand.

That became a character he carried with him even until today. He questions virtually everything and does not comment on something he is not sure about.

Nevertheless, the family remains the primary school of every child, where values, principles, morals, and the norms of society are learnt.

We built and lived in thatched houses. We grew up with folklores. Men wrestled, worked, and defended their territory. Women preserved and respected their bodies.

However, today, we have literally lost so much, and we are clearly angry with ourselves.

The family united its members in love. When siblings quarrelled or disagreed, they resolved their differences through umunna (elders), or simply through a higher authority. Uncles and aunties were not evil—at least not until Nollywood sold that idea to us.

I am not going to tell you that there were no bad or wicked people. However, my point is that there was a system in place to manage and handle these challenges.

Our ancestors believed in and lived by the spirit of oneness and togetherness, as often expressed in the saying: nwanne bu ike (siblings are your strengths).

The question we all need to ask is: What happened to our family system? Why have we forgotten who we are and chosen to be in perpetual warfare with ourselves and our brothers?

Today, in many families, children do not eat together anymore. Some parents only see each other at night because everyone is working hard to make ends meet.

Social media and influencers have replaced the roles of elders, parents, and guardians. Children are now sometimes seen as a means to an end, particularly in an age where content creation can pay off.

I sincerely believe that the civil war contributed greatly to this shift in our way of life.

Therefore, I am not advocating that we return to sitting in the village square to tell stories, although it would not be a bad thing. Rather, I am advocating that, regardless of where we find ourselves, we remember that we are a people known for morals and values.

Our ancestors were warriors, not cowards. They prioritised their families and children, and they had love for their neighbours.

So, instead of allowing the phone to separate you from your children, use it in a way that unites everyone. Structure your family in such a way that none of its members feels abandoned.

Many people have faced challenges in their academics and professions but are ashamed to go home. Many of our youths are dying in foreign countries because they are ashamed to start over again.

It should not be so.

Structure your family in such a way that everyone sees it as a safe place to return to when things become difficult.

In essence, what I am advocating for is the recognition that our way of life is not primitive. It was essentially crafted by our forefathers so that we may remain connected to our roots and to one another, regardless of where we find ourselves.

Remember, a lizard cannot assume itself to be a crocodile simply because it was born and lived inside an ocean.

Studying in a foreign land, having citizenship, or being born in a country other than yours does not make you an indigene of that country.

It is therefore important that, while you remain a good citizen of the country in which you find yourself (Maka na ebe onye bi ka o na awachi), you should always find your roots, live by their principles, protect your children, and preserve your family systems and values.

Additionally, value and love yourself. Be a person of good character so that the Lord will love you.

Finally, it is worthy to note that everything in existence today has always been there. We are only recycling.

People are going back to thatched houses. Folklores are now cartoons. Gwam gwam gwam and ukabuilo are what we call spoken words.

All this advancement should not make us lose our values and principles as human beings.

Enough is enough. Let us embrace peace and love for ourselves and our brothers, and protect ourselves from our enemies, as they will always be one.

Ukpana okpoko gburu nti chiri ya, ( the grasshopper that was killed by hornbill is simply deaf).

Be a person of value, principle, moral, and good behaviour, but guide it with wisdom.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Like, drop your thoughts, and share.

REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE: RECLAIMING OUR VALUES, OUR IDENTITY, AND OUR FUTURE

I bet you have heard people say words such as “Aku na-esi obi ike” (wealth creates confidence) or “Aka aja aja na-ebute onu mmanụ mmanụ” (hard work begets success).

These were sayings from a time when the measure of a man was not based on his six-pack or how long he could last in bed. These were times when a man’s value was contingent on how well he could provide first for himself before even thinking of getting married.

Wealth creation was measurable and repeatable. People were known for particular skills and crafts, hence names such as Dinta (master of hunting), Diochie (master of palm-wine tapping and trading), and Dimkpa (a master of bravery or a warrior).

You had to become a master of a particular skill before you could attain the position of “Di nwee ụlọ” (master of his home, or what we call a husband today).

This was not a relationship between a master and his servant. A woman was equally recognised for her contribution and partnership. She could be called “Osu di eme” (the husband’s companion and supporter) or “Odoziaku” (one who cares for and sustains her husband’s wealth). Some men even married “Oriaku”—a woman who enjoys the wealth her husband has created.

Women were not objects to be priced or displayed as we sometimes see in today’s culture of the “Baddie.”

It is also clear that marriage and relationships were not based merely on physical appearance as they often seem to be in today’s world. Men are focused on building muscles, while women wear artificial enhancements, hoping to attract what they perceive as the “real” man.

Confusion everywhere.

Anyway, back to the main issue of this conversation.

It is clear that our forefathers and fathers lived their lives based on repeatable values and principles. One would then ask: What happened?

Well, war happened. Colonisation happened. Religious conquest happened.

Although these events caused significant destabilisation in our way of life and reasoning, we managed to retain some aspects of our culture, although one could argue that some of them have been adulterated over time.

However, what we have failed to fully retrieve is our perception of self, our reasoning, and our acceptance of ourselves in all areas of our lives.

The attached picture will be called primitive. Our language will be called local. Our culture will be labelled outdated. Our hairstyle will be described as a sign of naivety.

But perhaps we need to ask ourselves: Who taught us to see ourselves this way?

It is important to acknowledge that war and other existential crises contributed to why many of our parents conditioned us to go to school, get a job, and earn a living. Judged by the circumstances of their time, this was probably the best choice they could make.

However, this is where the issue lies today.

Most of us have remained in that survival mode, which is the lowest level of the ladder, and have refused to see beyond it.

This is the main reason I am writing to you.

Embrace yourself. Remember that you have survived.

Now, start thinking beyond survival. Think about the problems you can solve in order to create not only a life, but also a living.

I understand that we are living in an era where money without a clear source is celebrated, while frivolity is constantly being served to us through our screens by businesses and influencers.

It is therefore necessary that you emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Embrace your culture. Modify it where necessary according to sound human principles. And, most importantly, learn to love other people.

Our ancestors were men and women of integrity. Their resistance, intelligence, resilience, and sacrifices are among the reasons we have the opportunity to exist today.

Many of them hid food seeds in their braids in order to preserve them and ensure that future generations would have access to good, organic food.

Think about that for a moment.

They were not merely trying to survive their own generation. They were thinking about us.

Overall, I want you to know that you are the architect of your existence.

Derive strength from the history of your ancestors, but do not merely admire their past. Learn from it. Build upon it. Correct what needs to be corrected, preserve what deserves to be preserved, and ensure that you leave a safer and better world for the generations yet unborn.

Do not let your generation end with you simply because of the choices you make today.

If it does, then perhaps we must accept some responsibility.

Be mindful of what you listen to. Be mindful of who influences your decisions. Be mindful of the values you adopt simply because society tells you they are desirable.

In the end, remember this:

A woman’s true worth is not found in assuming masculine energy, just as a man’s worth is not found in absorbing feminine energy.

Our value is found in the unique combination of our individual strengths and energies, as designed by God.

Be wise. Be vigilant. Know who you are.

I remain your friend and brother,

Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Like, comment, and share with a friend

Appreciate them now they still live.

Many people wait until someone is gone before they shower them with love and appreciation. It is even more concerning today, as we seem to have embraced a culture of celebration instead of mourning when we lose our loved ones.

I don’t know whose idea it was that the only time to paint or tile a house is mainly during a burial celebration. The question then becomes: In whose interest is it being done?

This is why I want to draw your attention to this erroneous way of thinking. It is hypocritical to bury someone who never drank juice with you or had clothes sewn for them while they were alive, only to do all these things in celebration of their demise.

I understand that, in some cases, there are celebrations of life. However, it is pertinent that we cultivate the habit of showing people how important their existence is to us while they are still alive.

Some couples only speak about how good their partners were during burial or thanksgiving ceremonies. Another act I am yet to understand—but we will leave that for another day.

My people, let us cultivate the habit of appreciation. Show gratitude to people while they are still alive, and give them whatever you have to offer so they can enjoy it during their lifetime.

A popular actress once had a heart attack while performing her favourite song on stage. Prior to the incident, she had told her children to bury her quietly whenever she passed away. She maintained that those who genuinely cared about and appreciated her good deeds had already done so while she was still breathing. Anyone who came afterward, she suggested, was nothing but a fake friend.

It is important to understand that she wasn’t aware that she would die on stage. Rather, she understood that the appreciation you give when someone is already gone is not really for that person, but for yourself and the people around you.

Should we, therefore, keep quiet and not speak of the good deeds of the deceased? No. However, we should ensure that people are appreciated while they are alive. Only then will speaking about their good deeds after their death truly carry meaning.

Overall, give people their flowers while they are still alive. Appreciate your parents. Don’t wait until you make money. A simple act such as saying “Thank you” is enough to put a smile on their faces.

Paint and tile your parents’ house if you know you will do it for visitors when they are gone.

Death is not an occasion to show wealth or feed hungry stomachs. It is a period of mourning, reflection, and immortalising memories.

Do not wait to celebrate someone only when they are gone. Start today. Appreciate your friends, your parents, yourself, and everyone you know who deserves their flowers while they are still alive.

No one knows when the last goodbye will come. Show appreciation without waiting for a season.

I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi

Let me know in the comment section: Who would you want to appreciate today? And is there someone you wish you had appreciated while they were still alive?

Like, comment, and share.