There is a tradition we have gradually watered down in the name of being “civilised.” It is called Iju Ase — (to make enquiry). 🌸 It is part of our culture and heritage to make proper enquiries about who and where you intend to marry into. This enquiry covers medical history, personality traits, family values, and cultural norms.
The purpose is simple: to bridge any gaps that may exist and avoid unnecessary regrets later in life 💖
Many of our cultural practices that once held us together have been diluted over time. One begins to wonder if this is part of the reason for the high rate of marital breakdown we see today 🌸
There is also the issue of labels. When a man is kind, patient, protective, tolerant, and caring, he is called a “simp.” Yet when he refuses to tolerate bad behaviour or chooses to show leadership, he is labelled “controlling.” 🌸
There is also a subtle tension around gender roles today — almost everything has been “engendered.” A woman who nurtures her family and stays home to care for her children is sometimes seen as “low maintenance,” while a woman working tirelessly, often at the expense of her family, is celebrated as the standard contemporary woman 💖
Today, many people get married without truly knowing their partner’s background or having honest conversations about expectations in the relationship 🌸
There is often more focus on “What will I gain from this relationship?” rather than “What am I willing to give to make it work?” 💖
Because of these issues, I find it important to share these thoughts — especially for those who are yet to settle down 🌸
First, know who you are. Understand yourself. Only then will you truly know what you need — not just what you want. Marriage and relationships should not be built on wants alone, but on deeper values and genuine needs 💖
Secondly, do not be in a haste 🌸 Take your time to make proper enquiries. Ask questions. Meet his or her people. Observe and make your own informed decisions. There is often a temptation to rely solely on prayer and fasting — which is good — but it should not end there. Something may seem good, yet not be right for you 💖
Finally, if you do not find joy in seeing your partner succeed, or if your focus is always on what they can do for you, then you may need to pause 🌸 Love is not selfish. True love that lasts is built on mutual growth — seeing your partner thrive while you grow as well 💖
It is about cooperation, not competition 🌸
It is about working individually, yet collectively, for the good of the family as a unit 💖
Please, look before you leap 🌸 because “Yes, I do” is a decision that can either make or mar you. It is a commitment to turn the worse into better, to hold each other’s hands through the storms of life 💖
Marriage — and life — can be unpredictable. Make your decision consciously and intentionally 🌸
I remain your friend and brother, 💖
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi 🌸
Pen it down. 