The Changing Face of Marriage: A Call Back to Our Values

In the olden days — mgbe enu bu ana osa, mgbe ezi di n’ukwu ukwa — marriage was a thing of joy.
It united villages, ended wars, and reconciled land disputes — all because the institution of marriage was respected and held in high regard.

Proper inquiries were made on both sides, with the welfare of the spouses being top priority. Everything was done in an orderly manner. Elders would nominate young men and women to carry out background checks on the potential bride or groom.

They asked important questions:

  • Who is his father?
  • What does he do?
  • What is their family known for?
  • What illnesses run in the family?
  • Are we in any way related?

When seeking a woman’s hand in marriage, you came with elders, not with friends or playmates.

Where Are We Today?

Marriage, love, and commitment have become transactional.
Frivolities now take center stage — physical appearance, body structure, and the illusion of wealth.

No one asks questions about:

  • Character
  • Personality
  • Family background

Today, it’s no longer about culture or the welfare of the couple. It’s about buying and selling.
You hear things like:

“I’m off the market.”
“Wedding louder than marriage.”

Obodo emebigo. Ihe ka nte abakwutego ya na onu.
(The land is corrupt; something bigger than the squirrel has entered the trap.)

The Marriage List Madness

Some marriage lists these days are horrendous and threatening.
People spend their life savings on marriage ceremonies and have nothing left for the actual marriage. There’s an overwhelming desire for conspicuous consumption and public validation, which has affected both the young and the old.

A Word of Caution:

Onye kapra ntu ahuhu siri ngwere biala oriri
(He who brings ant-infested firewood invites lizards to a feast.)

Do not give your daughter’s hand in marriage based on your own interests, ignoring her happiness.
Remember:

Isi kote ebu o gbaa ya
(The head that attracts bees must live to bear the sting.)

Dear Young Men and Women

Do not allow your parents to use you to correct their mistakes or fulfill their ambitions.

Listen to their advice — yes — but also pay attention to the actions of the person you want to spend your life with.

As Socrates said:

“The quality of an educated mind is its ability to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Make proper inquiries.
Do not base your commitment on physical qualities alone.

Focus on:

  • Actions, not just words
  • Personality and values
  • Building standards for yourself

Learn to embrace the virtue of delayed gratification.
Marriage is an adventure — you’ll meet many hurdles along the way.

Go with someone who can hold your hand and say:

“Keep your head up.”

Before You Say Yes…

Ask yourself:

If I’m down with a condition or lose my looks, will this person stay?

And to the men:

Emotion is not weakness, but be logical. Be realistic. Beauty fades.
Always listen to your head when making a lifetime decision.

In Conclusion

Ndi beanyi, onye mara asu, osu n’odu. Imaghi asu, isu n’ala.
Nti ga anu ihe agahi aha ka okpu ata.

(He who knows how to speak, speaks with wisdom. He who doesn’t, speaks foolishly. The ear will hear what the mouth cannot say.)

I remain your friend and brother,
Onuora Obodoechi
The Motivational Teacher

Dare to Dream Big

I struggled to find the best way to start this message today. But sometimes, there’s no perfect way to say the truth—so let me just say it as it is.

In my experience on this journey called life, I’ve come to embrace a powerful truth: whatever you want out of life, you must manifest it. You do this by putting in the work, staying connected to nature, and living with purpose.

Success doesn’t arrive by luck—it comes from living intentionally. Your choices gain meaning when they are tied to your deepest desires and dreams.

Dream Bigger—Even If It Scares You

If your dreams don’t scare you a little—or if others don’t call you delusional—then perhaps you’re not dreaming big enough. And that’s okay. Your dreams are your responsibility. They’re not “our” dreams or “their” dreams. That’s why it’s essential to protect them and nurture them with unwavering belief.

I often remind my friends: you can change your approach to achieving your dreams, but never change the dream. If anything, dream even bigger.

Step 1: Write It Down

Once you have an idea, a dream, or a goal—write it down. A goal that is not in writing remains a fantasy. Putting your goals on paper makes them tangible and gives you a mental framework to plan and act.

As Mark Zuckerberg once said, “Ideas don’t come out fully formed—they become clearer as you work on them.”

In my personal experience, the moment I write a goal down, I create mental space to begin strategizing. I turn the dream from abstract into concrete reality.

Step 2: Define and Live by Your Core Values

Having a dream is not enough. You must also ask yourself: Do I have the integrity, mindset, and attitude to bring this to life? What do you stand for? What are your non-negotiable personal principles?

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. once said:
“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.”

Success doesn’t require massive effort in a single moment—it demands consistent effort daily. You will never change your life until you change what you do every day. The secret to success is in your daily routine.

Your values should be reflected in your:

  • Habits
  • Relationships
  • Music and media consumption
  • Conversations
  • Company you keep

As the saying goes, insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Step 3: Protect Your Greatest Asset—Yourself

In your pursuit of success, never lose sight of your most important asset: you.

Stay healthy in mind, body, and spirit. Feed your soul with positive energy, because life gives you what you believe you’re worth. You get what you tolerate.

Speak positively about yourself. Encourage yourself. Bless yourself. Call your dreams to life with confidence. Your strength should never depend solely on external applause—learn to applaud yourself. And always appreciate those who support and believe in you.

You and Your God: The Ultimate Team

The most important relationship in your life is between you and your God. Don’t expect the world to be fair just because you are a good person.

As someone wisely put it:
“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you’re a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you’re a vegetarian.”

Stay strong, focused, and grounded in your purpose.

Final Words: Never Give Up

No matter how hard it gets, never give up—on yourself, your family, your marriage, your children, or your dream.

Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.

Don’t sink anyone else’s ship, and don’t let anyone sink yours.

Kwechiri!
NEVER GIVE UP.

Die Empty

Consider Yourself God’s Pencil ✍🏽

Our bodies are like clothing—temporary coverings for our deeper purpose and spirituality. The Bible reminds us that our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. But it can also become a vessel for things that pull us away from that purpose.

So why do we obsess over what will eventually perish? While we’re called to care for our bodies, we must not confuse that with obeying every desire of the flesh. There’s a fine line between self-care and self-indulgence.

Here’s the truth: Everything you need to live a purposeful, fulfilling life is already inside you. You were born prepared, born for a reason. Nothing happens without the Creator’s consent. Our resemblance to God isn’t in skin color or body shape—it’s in our soul, which is eternal.

Stop living to impress people or following those who aren’t headed where you’re going. Don’t leave this world as a copy of someone else.

We are portals—channels through which God touches lives. But one of our greatest gifts (and challenges) is free will. The choices we make apart from God or our true selves can damage our future.

Think about this: Every invention depends on what came before it. Electricity made the lightbulb possible. In the same way, your purpose is connected to others. When you don’t show up, someone else’s breakthrough is delayed. Don’t be a hindrance.

Nature has so much to teach us. Look at bees, ants, even your own fingers—they each have roles, work in harmony, and never try to be something they’re not. That’s the power of systems, order, and self-respect.

When you live with purpose, you’ll die empty—because you gave your all. You’ll have been a present parent, loving partner, supportive sibling, and responsible leader. You’ll have been the best you for others—and for the glory of God.

I believe that if we all made peace with ourselves and stopped letting others dictate how we live, we’d be a lot happier. The world sells us lies—products to “fix” us, to chase beauty, youth, approval. Be careful with crowd-chasing and anything that comes “too easy.”

People are now changing their faces just to be accepted. I’m not saying don’t enjoy what you love—just make sure it aligns with your values, and not just society’s trends.

There was a time when family values shaped people. You could trace someone’s background by their behavior. That’s rare now. Things have truly fallen apart.

So I leave you with this:

If you want peace and joy, be content with what you have. Appreciate your efforts. Die to your fleshly desires when needed. And most importantly, live by the personal values you’ve made for yourself.

Listen closely to your soul.
Be still.
And remember—we are all just pencils in the hands of the Creator.

🕊️✍🏽

Dear Child:

My dear Sons and daughters:

Life can be great, but it’s not always smooth.
Whatever you’re doing, aim to be excellent.
Success doesn’t come from laziness—
It comes from standing out and working hard.

Hard work won’t harm you—it builds you up.
When things get tough, remember you’re meant to shine.
Just like stars glow brightest in the darkest skies,
Don’t quit when life gets hard—keep going.

If someone hurts you, try to forgive.
Give more than you take—
Because those who give generously never go without,
And those who only take are often left needing.

Lend a hand when you can—
True friends are there when it really counts.

Stay humble—pride can lead to downfall.
If life corners you, don’t show defeat.
Stay strong and avoid making big decisions when you’re stressed.

Your purity is something to value—
It’s not about missed chances but about character.
Protect it with self-respect.
Be wise when choosing who to trust.
Not everything that looks good is good.
Don’t be too distant or too eager—find balance.

Whatever you do, aim for moderation.
Work hard, pray hard, and stay hopeful.
Always believe the best is coming—
Because you are the best.

Onuora James Obodoechi.

Taking Charge of Your Life

By Onuora

Guard Your Mind, Guard Your Life

There is a silent, ongoing motive in the world today: to capture your mind and control your body. The Holy Scriptures advise us to “guard our hearts with all diligence, for from it flow the issues of life.” Yet, we see a shift in our world—from valuing the eternal and immaterial to chasing after temporary, material things. Much of our focus has turned to what satisfies us only for the moment.

The Myth of “Young and Stupid”

Have you ever heard the phrase, “I was young and stupid”? It’s used often and met with sympathy. But that’s not love—that’s deception. People who act foolishly rarely realize it in the moment. Saying “I was young and stupid” is often just a defense mechanism.

God’s Word says, “Serve the Lord your God in the days of your youth.” Youth is a critical time—for you, for God, and yes, even for the enemy. Don’t waste time looking for the devil outside yourself. Scripture reminds us, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.”

You Always Have a Choice

No one is perfect. That’s part of being human. But we are called to pray and strive so that “the words of our mouths and the meditations of our hearts” may be acceptable to God. You always have a choice. You always have a say in the direction of your life.

Healing Is Within Reach

Don’t let your past, your trauma, or your bad experiences define you. In Matthew 11:28, Jesus calls: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”
In Psalm 9:10, He promises never to abandon those who seek Him.
In Isaiah 1:18, God says, “Come, let us settle the matter.”

He is always reaching out. So what’s holding you back?

Reject the Lies of This World

Don’t fall into the trap of pity, victimhood, pseudo-strength, or prodigal living. Take charge. Stay connected to your Source. Don’t build your life on things that give only temporary satisfaction.

Be mindful of what you:

Read

Watch

Listen to

And the company you keep

As the saying goes: “The firewood you gather in summer will keep you warm in winter.”
Who will have your back when you’re old and lonely? Are you planning to live your last days in regret and isolation?

A Personal Relationship with Your Maker

Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”

Your denomination doesn’t matter. What matters is a personal relationship with your Maker.
He is in you, and you are in Him. It is never too late to pause and reflect on your life, relationships, and purpose.

Remember: There’s no such thing as something for nothing.
Work. Pray. Surrender.
And let His good will and perfect thoughts be fulfilled in your life.

Amen.

Thank you,
Love from Onuora

Achieving success

It is in the nature of man to project his weakness or forces beyond his control to others. When you read about the life of successful billionaires or influential people, you will agree with me that they were men and women who stopped complaining about their situations and started working on them as well as on their personal growth. There is no wind that blows in a favor of a ship without a destination. Remember that success is a result of continued actions filled with continual adjustments.

So, if you are looking for success in any field you must learn to apply these principles. You have to take charge of your life because Life is a do it yourself journey. Men who lack or who have not discovered their purpose in life distract themselves with pleasure.

When it comes to succeeding or achieving success in any area of your life, the first thing is to be intentional about it. Being intentional means to desire success, to be willing to make sacrifice(s) that will get you the required result. It is one thing to set a goal and another thing to get a goal, it all points to making a decisive commitment to put in the work in order to get a good outcome. Galatians 6:7-10, Do not be deceived, God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows, whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destructions, whoever sows to please the spirit, from the spirit will reap eternal life, let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers. So to overcome a situation, you have to get tired of your situation and ask how can i get through this?, you answer must not just constitute of words but of intentionality and the determination to succeed which will be evident in your daily activities consistently- Be intentional.

Secondly, for you to be resourceful you have to at all times be connected to your source. When you stay connected to your source, he promised in philippians 4:4-9, “Rejoice in the lord always, I will say it again, Rejoice! let your gentleness be evident to all. The lord is near, Do not be anxious about anything but in every situation, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving present your requests to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whichever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things”. There is nothing he cannot do for you provided you acknowledge him first and are connected to him because cut off from him we can do nothing.

Furthermore, evaluate the people you spend most of your time with. Remember, the people who you habitually spend time with are 95% of the reason you will have success or failure in life. They will either raise you up to become better or tear you down to remain average. Birds of the same feather flocks together, admire people that are already where you want to be and strive to associate with them. When you are in a group where you’re the smartest, you are in the wrong group, personal growth and success are product of association and the desire to be better version of yourself, you must be seen with people that helping you become better. You can’t get to where you need to be by boarding the wrong bus or metro, the truth is that you will get to a destination but definitely not where you needed to be, so have a rethink and choose your friends carefully.

Finally, The most important of all the ladders as far as success is concerned is self awareness and acceptance. When you accept yourself and believe that you are unique in your own way, it will create a momentum that will foster confidence and the understanding of your strength and weakness, exposing you to the available opportunities to focus more on your strength while working on your weakness to become the best version of yourself. It will also enable you to avoid the threats to your growth and use them to your advantage. Remember, self awareness helps you to look inside of you and not focus on outside or peoples opinion of you because no one will look down on you without your permissions. I will leave you to ponder on what you really want you life to be because the two great days in a person’s life is the day he was born and the day he discovers why. Feed your faith and starve your fears because we tend to get in life what we are willing to tolerate. If we don’t have a plan and purpose for our lives, we will become part of someone else’s. You must see value in yourself to add value to yourself.

I recommend you read, John Maxwell 15 invaluable laws…Thank you.

Fears in life

I recently lost a colleague whom I chatted with on Friday of the week she passed. she went on a night out on Saturday hale and hearty and passed on Sunday morning from her sleep. It was a big shock and unexpected news-Well, no one ever expects such news anyways. so I sat down and started pondering on what kind of life we all are living. A life where the next seconds is not even assured.

First of all, I understand that life is a journey, an opportunity to serve God through good acts. we all need each other to survive. However I don’t know about you but I have always been scared of dying unfulfilled because No one knows when and how he is going to die, everyone therefore ought to live everyday to the fullest enjoying every bit and creating memories.

Also ,another disturbing fear is the fear of being an example upon which people will learn, take for instance, being among the first to be affected by a pandemic or epidemic so that others can learn how to avoid it. I mean, I’m happy to be a good example but being an example that will consume me in the end scares me too and am sure no wants that either.

However, having mentioned the above two major fears, the question will be how do we live a fulfilled life and accept whatever life throws at us. The truth still remains that everyone was created for a purpose regardless of how unpleasant your existence appears to be. it might be a clear evidence that you were made to solve that problem so that others coming after you won’t face the same challenges as you. Therefore it is pertinent to always remember you were created for a reason and to strive everyday to find the reasons for your being because a man who lacks purpose in life distract himself with pleasure.

Furthermore, Viktor Frankyl in his book man search for meaning made a great point when he stated that it does not matter what we expected from life , but what life expected from us. He went further to say that we all need to stop asking about the meaning of life and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life-daily and hourly, our answers must consist, not just in talk and meditation but in right actions and right conduct. So, I will advice regardless of what your own fear might be, your response must be right and harmless to yourself and others. Don’t allow stress of life make you quit, don’t allow fears, doubt, painful experiences, loss of a loved one deter you from living your life to the fullest. Keep moving everyday regardless because there is no limitations except the ones you set for yourself.

Finally, there is a bigger force than us, he is God and he doesn’t fail. He said he will never abandon anyone who comes to him and have advised us to put him first in everything we do and he will direct our paths. So, Let the words of your mouth and meditations of your heart be acceptable before the lord. Live your life for benefit of your fellow humans and to the glory of God, we are nothing but tools in the hands of our creator.

Thank you!!

Before you say I do beware of 💔

Heartbreaks

Believe it or not, there is high rate of family disunity, relationship breakdown and most painfully the abandonment of spouse in the case of challenges or disability. Today, a woman shared a story of how her husband divorced and went away with their children after finding out about her stage 3 cancer diagnosis. Morality would suggest that the lady in question will be supported by her husband more than ever in this critical moment of her life but to her greatest surprise the man flee from her, what a shame. After hearing of these stories one could not help but wonder what has happened to the love for humanity, to the essence of being humane. I was deeply touched by the above story, I reflected on other scenarios when people are left to die on their own in hospitals or even on the street. Obviously there are reasons why people might abandon someone they truly love or claim to love. One would argue that it is a case of decision(s) we take before settling down as seen in some other cases where spouse or partner leave for no obvious reason – just the person’s personality that was unseen by the victim. Then the question would be, what might lead to this and how to avoid it.

In my opinion, I think the major cause of people being abandoned is because priority are placed on transient qualities for lack of better words. This simply means that many people place emphasis on material form of relationship -immediate gratifications. By material form I mean, beauty, wealth, body shape, status , profession etc which can change with circumstances rather than focusing on people’s personality, values, principles and in understanding his or her coping mechanism- how he or she handles stress. Some people live a life of “No skin pain”.

Material things or qualities are good and necessary but they are secondary, seek first to know someone and every other things can be achieved. So if you don’t want to be a lonely old man or woman be realistic in what you want. Stop looking for a saint in the skin of a sinner. A good girl in a body of a prostitute. Also learn to listen to people because words are heart seen, look before you reap for you are a product of the decision you make or did not make . Be sure of what guides or directs your decision, the basis of your decision is as important as the decision itself. Your ability to distinguish between want and need in relationship will actually save you in the long run.

Another reason people end in this quagmire often termed relationship is the false belief that he or she will change with time. There is no such thing as changing in marriage or when he or she begins to have children. People can change, don’t get me wrong but optics and your heart won’t lie to you if you listen to them. Also what will people say is another hook that has held people in a bad relationship,always put yourself first because if anything happens to you, you will be replaced. Make sure you are living your life for yourself and stay where you feel valued and loved, never force anyone to love you.

Finally love is a beautiful feeling, but is not enough on it’s own when making a life time commitment. Be sure your partner will be there for you when the going gets tough and you, be sure to commit to someone you will stand by when you don’t see the beauty, the shape , the wealth anymore. Look beyond physical appearances when trying to settle down, forget what he or she says and listen carefully to their actions. It is no lie that actions speaks louder than voice, prevention is better than cure. Taa bu gboo! In my dialect ( it is never too late to start again though it might not be right but check if it is necessary)

Thank you.

From the other side

Haven’t you noticed that people get more popular these days once they have passed or gone through difficulty times. it is either people are leaning towards bad news or they have lost the essence of appreciation. Have you worked along the street and see how people are suffering, often than not we are grateful to God that we are not the one suffering or out in the rain. Then when he or she passes people come to the funeral with all kinds of goodwill messages. So what has happened to the humanity part of our existence?. An unexamined life is not worth living, it is important we all start looking after each. Celebrate and appreciate people when they are alive, whatever you do after the person passed is just to please his or her people.

This is a letter from the other side, and by the other side I meant people who have no place to stay, people battling depression, heart breaks and all kinds of existential crisis. Mother Theresa admonishes “if you can’t make it good at least make it look good” be reason for someone’s smile. it is appalling the high level of children now growing up without their fathers or mothers, not that they are dead but because of their irresponsibility and selfishness. To make a mistake is not a mistake but the repetition of the mistake. Have you noticed that people don’t call a spade a spade anymore?. Once you going astray people will gladly allow you, am not saying people should not be held responsible for their actions but what about being our brother’s keeper.

Few days ago, I saw a guy beating his mother over some arguments, he saw me and stopped and when I looked around, I saw a lot of people staring with their phone camera on probably waiting for content to record. Things have really fallen apart, I ask again what has happened to humanity. When I think how all the things we are using today were made or invented by great men of old and will be going on in their minds on how people are using them today, You will agree with me that we are living in a messed-age and we all need a good message. Preachers are all for the money and fame. politician for their selfish interest, what can I say Money rules the world now.

Families are tearing apart, women in the quest of challenging men or trying to be equal to men have lost their sense of being and uniqueness. All men were created equal but roles are different. There is clear difference between equality and equity. social influence have made our families lose their primary and simple role of raising well cultured citizens. The society is a true reflections of how dilapidated our families have become.

I want to ask what happened to morality, shame and humanity. The answer is simple, Freewill happened to them. I propose and advice you today, it is not excusable to do things under the pretense that you are young. Youthful age is the planting time of your life, if you party it away, follow crowds and engage in all kinds of reckless activities, you will harvest misery in your old age. Take responsibility of your life, build a mansion with the stones that people throw at you. Teach people how to treat you, remember this, most people who say hurtful things are seeking for help, they need reassurance maybe they have been subjected to hard life but if you are still working on yourself focus on getting better and don’t allow people’s opinion affect you.

like, comment and share…Thank you.

For further study: Read Morality of living, power within by me

Me and my big mouth By Joyce meyer.

when the dough breaks.

it was Abraham Lincoln who said that the true character of a man is measured by where he stands in times of trials and tribulations not in times of merriment. It is always easy to be positive when things or life is going on well with us but the truth is that easy things don’t make us better, just as gold won’t have its worth until it goes through fire. In other words gold is a precious stone because of the amount or level of fire it has to endure. what will help you when things aren’t going your way and what can keep you going in difficult moments or times is what we are going to explore in this piece of wisdom including some of the principles or facts that could help us stand up tall amidst all hardship.

Mindset is one of the virtues that differentiates great men from the rest, as a man thinketh so he is. You are what think about all the time, how you think and act depends on your mindset and how you perceive things. If you change the way you look things then the things you look at will change.

Apart from having a positive mindset, you also need to guide and know the source of your inspiration or motivation. it is not that which comes out of a man that spoils him but that which enter or he took in that will destroy or hinder him. The kind of music you listen or watch and Your cycle of friends will determine how you behave or act in certain situations, so ask yourself where your source of strength or motivation comes from. Many people make God their source of strength and motivation and believe me they have not regretted it. Worrying doesn’t solve any problem but good decision does. What will guide your decision is your mindset while your mindset will be dependent on your source of inspiration and motivations. Napoleon Hill admonishes that you kill the habit of worry in all its forms by reaching a firm decision that nothing life has to offer is worth the price of worry. when you worry, let the questions in your heart be how do I solve this problem not why did this happen to me. One keeps you in sad mood and lure you into all kinds of diseases while one helps you navigate through the problems and proffer a lasting solutions.

Be happy despite the darts life might throw at you, nothing in life lasts forever. There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy(Robert Louis Stevenson).

If you really want to improve and remain positive despite challenges then you must learn how to meditate on things that matter to you, listen to good music, read daily things that will add value to your life. Also set goals, work on them and celebrate little successes. Finally when things aren’t going your way, sit down and apply this Triple A formular. Acknowledge your present situations and remember the ones you have been through. acknowledge the progress you have made before the challenges. Then appreciate yourself for how far you have come. The huddles you have overcame in the past before the recent challenges. Then allow or give room for improvement. practice only quality people but never look down on anyone.

Thank you, share like and comment( constructive comments, cheers ! )