Pen it down.

Relationship Dilemma

The aim of an argument should not be victory, but progress said Karl popper; With the recent happenings about divorce, paternity and maternity fraud, one would be tempted to believe that there is no such thing as love, loyalty or trust in a relationship anymore.  The worrisome thing about this quagmire especially as it concerns divorce is the impact it has on the spouse, the family and most importantly the children that wasn't part of the love rollercoaster in the first place, of course their voices are not heard, they are always blamed for acting out. Can you say that parents were selfish by divorcing or separating without thinking about how it would impact on their children or should the children be happy  that at least their parents separated peacefully and he or she can boast of having a two people who claims to love him or her but have vowed they would never stay together?.it is either we are not thinking or we have chosen to ignore the implications of this current trend with the intention of joining a support group for our mental health. I strongly believe that no one is impeccable however there is a saying in my village that when an anomaly or a sacrilege lasts for a year it will be mistaken for a norm (Aru gbaa afo o buru omenala). The increase in the rate of relationship breakdown is alarming, hence the need for reflection on what could be the cause of this and possible way to reduce it.

I know you might be wondering whether the writer's aim is to blame people who divorce or people who commit paternity/maternity fraud without considering the impact on their children. On the contrary this piece will focus more on factors that might predispose or expose some to these problems and proffer a possible and practical way to preventing it. So the write up is basically to appeal to you to always look before you reap. I will base my analysis on the love triangle develop by Robert Sternberg, without quoting him word to word. we will also explore the good and real reasons behind people actions and how this have contributed to the whole relationship dilemma and break down, all these and more will be explored in the following paragraphs.

Before getting into a relationship.

it is pertinent for better understanding that i will be writing in the context of marriage or committed relationship. In the beginning before you even thinking of getting married or settling down as it is often referred to, you should be intentional. it is excusable if you are not in the first stage of the love triangle however you might attract blames if you end up with someone without clear reasons why you did. Most importantly, the basis of your reasons or intention is what will determine the extent at which your relationship will go. Take for instance, you love someone because of his or her look, and how people see you or rate you when you with him or her, in other words your reasons are his status that you enjoy, what happens when the status are no longer there?, your guess is as good as mine and that's exactly my point.  when you base your decisions on physical qualities alone you just set up yourself for failure. Everyone experiences these three stages of love but the problem is that most people mistake one for the other without necessarily asking or answering the necessary questions that each stage requires or poses before them.

 The first part of the love triangle is passion.  The period  is filled with a lot of physical attractions, this is the time in my culture when they believed that the eyes and beautiful things are in great covenant with each other( anya n'ihe di mma gbara ndu). Sex can happen here, it is the time of long lasting phone calls, early morning text messages, sending and requesting of your pictures etc. It is important to know that what you feel at this stage is not enough for you to believe that someone really love you. This is actually genesis of the whole journey, it is purely physical, hence the name passion. People tell you what you want to hear andin order to get what they also want, You hear things like, "I love the way he makes me feel, he is fun to be with, he makes laugh and so on and so forth." is this stage important? Yes, if he or she makes me feel this way does it mean he is the one? No, but it is a good way to start. Remember it is easier to identify this stage when you don't find the person attractive or your mind is not crowded with selfish thoughts and wants.  a lot of factors influences this stage, but most importantly is your friends. if everything goes on well in this stage, there is no specific time it should last however it is the quickest to start and fastest to fade away especially with someone that has intentions of settling down. it is good to be a child but very bad to remain a child, too much of everything is bad. Never base your decision to marry anyone because of how he makes you feel about yourself or the pleasure you enjoy in this stage, when more important things come in, it will reduce or even stop, however it can be rekindle if other stages are solid.

Passion is followed by intimacy; here you have had sex and have spent a lot of time together while in the passion phase. it is important I say this, some people don't know when to start getting intimate or should I say the word intimacy have been erroneously taken to mean "Sexual intercourse", No; that has already started in the passion stage. it is at this stage that you look out for his or her interest, you build trust and check if you can trust this person. this stage is more to evaluating his or her values, what they stand for. it will go beyond being physical to being emotionally connected. Keywords here are care, interest, compassion, companionship, trust and growth, you take care of yourselves for each other. you learn how to respect each others boundaries, priority sets in. it is at this point the need to be with him or her will not entirely be based on just physical qualities alone, his or personality is taken into consideration. love is defined here, you understand what love means for each other, most men will love and would want to be with a woman who loves ( respect and loyal) them, while women will prefer to be with a man who loves( care and emotional security)them as well. The words in parenthesis are what each gender perceive as love. Take for example, when a woman finish eating and the husband takes the plate and wash them, she feels he cares her and perceive it as love while if it is the other way round, the man feels she respects him and also see it as love, same action different perception. whatever you are able to make out in this first and second stage will guide your decision. The important factor that will guide you is your self concepts, how your perceive  yourself (self worth and self esteem) as a lady and a gentle man, it doesn't have to happen in order but the onus lies on you to always ascertain which stage you are, that's why you hear things like, lets step it up or step it down. Don't ignore the warning signs, he lashes out in little argument or she never ask you about your goals or plans, etc and you believe he or she will change with time; Personality can be modified but you can't change who you are. If there is anytime to end a relationship, it is this time, not when babies have come into play, you then suddenly realize, you can't stay anymore.

 The last stage is decision/ commitment, if everything have gone on well, decision making comes into place. This is what I call realistic evaluation of self and situations. This is when you decide to be his girlfriend or boyfriend. The quality of your relationship will be contingent on the reasons you based your decisions. when you base you decision on passion only, without checking if this person actually cares for you. Passion ends as fast as it started, it doesn't last and decision shouldn't be based on this stage alone. After your analysis, you can  decide to date this person but never to marry him or her, if these person is also evaluating the relationship as well, he or she should as well be certain where it is going or at least have a clue from your actions. Commitment is the last stage, I can bet many people realized this part very late, some is when they are already married hence the high rate of divorce and words like, "I never knew he was a monster," "she is a gold digger," it is our nature as human beings to project blames and try to separate ourselves from blames

some however, do see all these signs, but the fear of what people will say, status that they enjoy or the fallacy that he or she might change crowd their judgement. Before you commit to a man or a woman, ensure you have clearly and honestly evaluated your relationship, it is not enough to want to marry, the plan should be to stayed married. No matter how you want to see it, the trauma, pains or mental breakdown that comes with breakups, divorce, separation, paternity/maternity fraud are all preventable.

I personal believe that history repeat itself because we fail to learn from it. I want you to know that people have good reasons and real reasons while they do things. it is pertinent to carryout self evaluation as well as relationship evaluation, be intentional and know what you want. Always seek out the real reason while people are with you not just the good reasons. Take for instance, when you are looking for a job, you want the job for you to be able to pay your bills and take care of your needs (real reasons) but when asked during interview, "why should we employ you?" you give them the good reasons, you say things like, I have passion for this job, I hold master degree etc., however you get employed when your good reason matches their real reasons, same applies in a relationship, you have to know yourself, know what you want and look for it. Let your reasons be based on something or factor that is beyond physical. I understand that sometimes it is difficult because of familial factors, spiritual directors( pastors and reverends) interfering with your decisions, these are people whom you can't disappoint but the painful truth is that at the end, it is still your life and whatever decision you take will determine how your enjoy it. Aristotle said its choice not chance that determines your destiny. I will conclude with the words of Christopher Walkens, if you knew how quickly people forget the dead, you would stop living to impress people, there is a lot of lonely couples out there, forever is too longer to be unhappy.

Recommendations:
I will recommend you focus on working on yourself, have a life before you become a wife. Think before you act, if you are not ready to settle down play safe, and foster open communication with yourself and your partner, the only person that can't lie to you is yourself. In the event you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, seek for professional help, talk to your parents, and most importantly take everything to God in prayers.
No one is perfect, and marriage is between two imperfect people striving to be perfect for each other.
Learn the act of tolerance, sacrifice, honest and open communication, understanding and above all always remember to base your decisions on factors beyond physical, these should be mutual between the lovers.
let me know you thoughts on the comment section, help us improve and subscribe to get notifications when we publish new article. if there is any topic you would want us to write on or questions, drop it in the comment section and we will get back to you. Thank you😊

Silence can communicate as much information as talking can do, people have always been advised to speak only when it is necessary or when you have something meaningful to say. The truth is that everyone has something to say but it might be out of context, so there is need to think before you act. The bible advised us to be quick to listen but slow to speak emphasis the need to process information before we let it out, because once a word is out, even when taken back the effect have already been felt, words are mind seen.

When I started working as a nurse after graduation one of the matrons called me and said, “dee James, open your eyes, open your ears but close your mouth, if you really want to survive in this work environment,” she gave me the advice based on the environment and the setting we were in then. However it is not in every situation that you keep quiet hence the saying “a closed mouth is a closed destiny”; Nevertheless it is important we listen more not just with our ears but with our minds as well.

we are going to explore how our thoughts, behaviors and attitudes affects our ability to listen effectively, also we will look at perception and understanding and how to apply it in our everyday life to promote good relationship and know why people act out of context some times.

Thoughts begot actions, action and reaction are equal but opposite according to newton third law of motion. it is important to note that environment, religion, experience and society helps to shape how one thinks or act in a given situation. Someone who came from a lovely family and have lived in a developed nations will definitely view life different from someone who have to struggle to eat everyday, this is where understanding comes in, you have to understand that for every person you meet, he or she has his or her peculiar experience that is unique to them. Arguments arises when there is misunderstanding and when everyone is struggling to be heard, you can never take a man’s experience from him, you just have to understand it.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change. As a man thinketh, so he is, you are what you think about all the time, so for you to actually understand someone you have to first of all understand yourself, control your thoughts to focus on your strength and understand that everyone is a work in progress. Don’t make the mistake of depending on someone to change you, you can seek help yes, but the majority of the work will be done by you. I will share some tips that will help you improve your thinking about yourself and the world around you in the summary paragraph.

Secondly, it is pertinent to understand that behaviors harbor information or unmet needs as well appreciation or gratitude about something. some people don’t talk much but communicates more non-verbally, when you learn to listen with your mind, you will pay more attention to people’s attitudes and behaviors towards you and things. so before you argue or fight with your friend, spouse, child etc.; try to find out why the change in behavior, and listen not just on what they have to say but pay more attention to their expression.

Some behaviors or actions are usually a means to get attention, take for instance, a child that needs the parent attention might start to cry, the adolescents ones might put up a challenging behaviors however often at times, parents result to resentment but if you pay more attention to them, you will realize he or she just need you more than the money or food that you provide. Sometimes it is not our parents fault entirely because nobody knows it all, remember what I said about experience, they must have been suffering all their lives and I have made a vow that their children wont experience same hence the need to communicate with them by trying to ask yourself how you can pass your information without causing any harm to yourself or others.

However what am trying to establish is that behind every behavior that is perceived as negative there is an unmet needs or cry for help, and it is when people focus more on the outer expression of the behaviors that conditions such as depression, divorce, aggression or even suicide sets in but if you Look beyond what people show or say, that is; you have to listen with the intension to understanding the person not to correct, argue or make your point known immediately. Even if you claim to be right, the first to complain or act out should be apologized to first, then explain reasons behind your actions afterwards, when you apologies make sure you back it up with reasons why you acted the way you did and what you have learnt , otherwise apology is not complete.

Another element that constitute effective communication and enhance Good relationship is perception. Perception is simply how you view, interprets, processes things or information, all which will be dependent on your experience, environment, level of education, wit or training. Everyone is right in their own eyes or understanding, so who is wrong?.

people have different ways of expressing their needs, wants or stress. This is unique and varies among individuals, the onus lies on you to learn or develop the habit of treating everyone individually and try as much as possible to understand people’s point of view, you are allowed to disagree but disagree respectfully explaining politely why you disagreed if need be and the context involved.

In summary, listening with your mind is simply treating everyone as a whole not just in parts. it is based on the understanding that we are all unique and different in our ways of thinking, perception and behaviors. The way we perceive things will determine how we will respond to it. The aim of this article is encourage you to think before you act, learn to see things sometimes from your friends, partner, spouse, mother, father, brother, sister etc point of view before making your point or speaking up, by doing so, you will find out how best to handle a situation. Your girlfriend is yelling and crying, your actions will depend on how you analyze it and looking beyond that yelling, to see what could have caused her to do that especially when it is unusual or repetitive.

Recommendation:

Carry out SWOT analysis on yourself, work out your strength( positive attitude) weakness ( negative or challenging behaviors), opportunity ( things available to support you: eg mentor etc.) and Threat ( things that this behaviors especially weakness will affect or cause you lose). the aim of this exercise is to allow you work more on yourself by focusing on your strength and turning your weaknesses into strength.

Develop the attitude of reading books that will help you each day to become better for yourself, believe in yourself and trust in God. Don’t complain no one owns you anything, there is a saying that no one will look down on you without your permission, Teach your partner how to treat your and learn to treat people the way the want to be treated except when it is not in their best interest.

Treat people with respect and always strive to understand people, not always in your own way, when you listen with intention to learn and understand, you will avoid so many arguments, break-ups, and be bold to face Reality shock. THANK YOU.

THINK AND ACT

It was prof chinua achebe who said that “until the lions begin to narrate their own stories the hunters will always take the glory. Socrates also added that it is the characteristics of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it, furthermore it is important we all know that the true sign of intelligence is the awareness of one’s own ignorance. I have observed over the years the incessant conflict between Christians and the traditional believers or worshippers. The argument of what is good and what is evil, who will go to heaven and who will go to hell, God is real and God is not real, so on and so forth.

I have taken my time to examine the situation in order to understand the stance of their arguments or should I say the basis of their disagreement, and how it has helped to improve the livelihood of the common man in the street ever since it started. The most annoying thing is that even among the so called believers there are still divisions or should I say various denominations, I know that a house that is divided among itself cannot stand, the lords idea was based on the principles of separation of powers ( working separately but collectively), it was not for us to fight and kill ourselves thus he said pray for your enemies to change but you have be vigilant at all times it doesn’t make you a coward, (Nkwucha abughi ujo).

So over the years, I have seen some many people use the name of the lord in vain, fake miracles, rituals, match making, broken families and homes, children abandoning their parents and vice versa all in the name of revelation or prophesy etc. I know that the bible warns that not all who call him father, father, will enter the kingdom and he has advised we look before you reap.
There are so many examples where both the traditional worshippers and Christians have erred but the essence of this writing is to share my thoughts on what I think is important in living as human beings regardless of what you believe or who you worship. When it comes to similarities, every religion condemns evils, but what makes a thing evil depends on the culture, social and morality of the people or area that is why i believe that to worship God effectively you must first understand your people’s ways of life. However everyone condemns killing and agrees with 10 commandments of God, if this is the case why have we chosen to fight for God instead of using the talents he gave us to serve him and humanity.

In my opinion

Jesus teaching was based on principles and is devoid of emotions or sentiments. Humans are emotional as well as spiritual beings I believe, however the problem is that human beings do apply the pleasure principle when serving God. According to Freudian psychoanalysis, pleasure principle is the instinctive seeking of pleasure, avoiding of pain to satisfy biological and psychological needs just like in id, this explains why we pray and hand everything to God, trying to escape our own part, “no skin pain”.
Many preachers understood this, hence the prosperity preaching, positive affirmation preaching, fear have engulfed the whole church or children of God simply because they don’t want to suffer. Man or men of God have made themselves demi-gods, leading people away instead of bringing them to God, enriching themselves while their followers are busy sowing in faith.
Viktor E. Frankl in his book Man’s search for meaning admonishes that it does not matter what we expect from life, but what life expected from us. He went further to say that we all need to stop asking about the meaning of life and instead to think of ourselves as those who were being questioned by life- daily and hourly, our answer must consist , not in talk and meditations but in right action and right conduct.

I also learnt and believe that death is not the opposite of life, death is the opposite of birth and both happen within life, do not allow yourself to exist and go without making any input in people’s life, irrespective of your belief, listen to your minister but endeavor to establish a relationship with God, you can also talk to him
Fear is the main reason people are fighting each other instead of becoming Christ-like or practicing the principles of their own religion, if all the people in the church, mosque, or shrine depending on your place of worship are all doing the right thing, then where are the evil ones?. Before Christ was crucified he cried and pleaded the cup should be taken away, but the will of God is that faith without work is useless. We shouldn’t pray against challenges of life but the grace to face it and enjoy the glory at last( this does not imply when you die.) you should be able to make plans you can see its benefit reflect on your life and that of others alive.
When you are in Christ you suffer with hope, Emotion which is suffering ,ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it thus says Spinoza. Provided your suffering or pain is justifiable , it ceases to be seen as suffering. No one likes exam but when you have studied for it and have pictured the joy you will have when the result comes out, reading becomes fun.

In summary, I cannot explore the need for us to pause and think for a minute, and ask ourselves questions. who is in charge of my life? look around the world, the way we are living now is it the way human beings are supposed to be living? in Maslow hierarchy of needs pyramid, physiological needs were the basic ( food, clothing, good hospital, shelter, good education etc) the church and Government have stopped providing all these basic amenities while cruising in private jets, mansions, going around with securities and instructing angels to protect you? THINK AND ACT.

So instead of fighting our differences let us all work to strengthen our common values.
Lets respect each other’s believe and seek to be better ourselves. My African brothers lets us make our land like the heaven we all want to go.
Whether heaven is real or not should not be our argument but let the competition of building heaven-like edifice on our various countries, obey the laws here as you would do when you finally go to heaven, build hospitals, schools, help the needy, let our relationship with God not be transactional all the time, do this, do that for me and I will praise you. ,

let the Eagle perch as well as the kite, no one should obstruct each other because path may cross but lane differs.( Egbe belu ,ugo belu ,nke si ibeya ebena nku kwa ya).

Things God cannot do

The popular belief is that ,”with God all things are possible “. However,it is pertinent to know that God cannot do everything for us,obviously that’s why he gave us hands,brain and so on. One of the things God cannot do for you is; the things you can do by yourself: God expects each of us to work and pray. It is good to trust in God,pray at all times but we must endeavor to do what we ought to do to actualize our goal(s). Moses divided the red Sea,the sun stood still and the dry bones came back to life, all these miracles were done by God through his prophets. It won’t have been possible if the prophets didn’t do their own part by purifying themselves for God to use them.

When you face difficulties,take time to examine yourself to know if you have done what you suppose to do. Learn to take responsibility of your actions, don’t blame anyone. If you want good grades work it out. Nothing good comes easy, that’s the painful truth. You must carry a cross before you wear a crown,for God is not mocked,you shall reap whatever you sow. Those who wait upon the Lord are the people that have done what they suppose to do,not the foolish virgins. What then are we expected to do?

Move away from your comfy zones and work. Faith without work is useless( James 2vs14). Whatever you set your mind to do ,do it with all your might. In proverbs 3-6, in whatever you do put me first,thus says thy Lord. You must start up something then call God to help you. And he promised in psalm 9 vs 10, I will not abandon you. Whatever I hear you mention to my hearing I will do it for you. (Numbers 14 vs 28). Do you best and leave his own part for him..

Secondly, he cannot lie: another thing God can never do is to lie. His words are A and Amen. He has never deceived anyone from old testament till date. Those who put their trust in God will be like mount zion. You are human but God is a supreme being. Using your senses and instincts to judge your plight, can only give you wrong impression of God and leaves you perplexed. Cast your burden unto the Lord. Put your trust in him, he is the only one that can never lie to you. Job knew him and he was not disappointed, Daniel,shedrack and his brothers trusted him and they were never disappointed. Ezekiel trusted him and dry bones came back to life.(Ezekiel 37). Trust in God work and walk in his own pace and not your own. Jeremiah 1 vs 5, before he formed you in the womb , he knows you and ordained you to be what you are today. God knows you are here. Don’t lose faith,he can never lie to you.

Thirdly, he can never fail you : what God cannot do for you ,does not exist. Since he cannot lie, he cannot fail you. Hebrew 11, showed us what faith in God can do for us. Jesus is the same today , tomorrow and forever more.

Be still and know that I am God (psalm 50). This year, start it with God. Do whatever you know that is right. Don’t allow anyone rush you with their timeline. If you do your own part , always remember that God cannot lie and that he is too faithful to fail you. It might delay just like in Isaiah 50, but though sorrow may last for the night joy comes in the morning(psalm 30vs 5) . God’s thought and plan for you is of good and not of evil.(Jeremiah 29vs 11). Be strong and courageous all the days of your life. Stay attached to the vine of life, because cut off from him you can do nothing, but in him you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Amen.

The Reality of life

Pause and think about the realities of life.

After all these struggles then what? ,many a times I kept on asking myself ,why are we really in this world?.
We grew up to find ourselves in a family; Science, religion and people around made us believe that we are related and that we should do things together.
The real truth is that we are all alone despite how we try to see it.
Take for instance ,everything that happens in this life is individualised, happiness, sadness, sickness, frustration, success even death, everyone has his own challenges to face. our paths may cross but our lane differs.
What makes you happy saddens the other person. Everyone wants the best for himself, (me ,myself and I) before any other person.
The bitter truth is , nothing in life is truly yours not even the life you have, if that is the case, why torment others with the position you find yourself .
We all are living a borrowed life. The only thing we should be concerned about is improving ourselves. You are all you’ve got, being too serious in life deprives you of the opportunity of being yourself.
Learn to appreciate, love, value and respect yourself; only when you see yourself as a worthwhile person , that people will do the same.
Work hard to improve yourself ,be the person you will be proud of tomorrow ( nothing in life last, we don’t live but exist, to live in the heart of many is to live forever). It is pertinent to know that in life character is more important and more rewarding than reputation.
Character shows how well you have improved while reputation is how people think you have improved.. in other words you use reputation to measure the degree of improvement you attain everyday of your life.
It doesn’t mean you should live based on people’s opinion. Those who live every day based on people’s opinion tends to loose themselves completely.
Every morning, we wake up, ready for our daily activities, go out for work, meet people, come back and rest and start all over again ; someday you will sleep and you won’t wake up ,what you see where ever you might be, nobody knows except you.
So, my dear, guard your heart with all diligence because from it comes the issues of life.
Live everyday of your life bearing in mind that you are alone ; if you fail, you fail for yourself and others, when you succeed you succeed for yourself and others.
Every person in this world was created for a purpose, and someone somewhere needs your gift to survive and achieve his own ambition. It is true that you are alone ,but you have some responsibility to fulfil during your life time.
My point is, before you can actually achieve your life’s purpose, you must first develop yourself , prepare yourself and become what you preach, because we see things the way we are and not really the way things are.
Everyone lives his life based on his opinion or perception of life.

Moralities of living.

These are the moral guides and principles, one must abide by inorder to live a happy life for oneself and others. Morality is Christianity.
1) Whatever he asked you to do, do it: this was a message from blessed virgin Mary to the disciples of Jesus Christ during the wedding at cana( John 2). This is one of the most important virtue in the law of God. Obedient, I know my sheep and my sheeps knows me. If you want enjoy this life,it is pertinent you know that the life you are living is not your own, you should always remember that someday you will be no more,if you constantly remind yourself of this,you will have no reason to keep malice,nor live yourself life as one that doesn’t know his or her worth, you will stop making yourself so cheap before the things of this world.
Things of this world passes by, but the love and faithfulness of God endureth for ever.
Think on how stressful it is to commit sin , quarrel and betray people..but everything that Jesus Christ gives us, is free, yet we run after things that will not help us in life.
Obedient to the law of God and practical aspect of Christianity is the first principle of morality of life. The world teaches revenge, Jesus taught us to forgive and forget, the world teaches money is everything, Jesus taught us to seek first the kingdom of God,then every other thing shall be added unto us.
NB: seeking the kingdom of God doesn’t mean sleeping in the church, waiting for manner to fall from heaven, remember the book of James 2vs 14-16 , said that ” faith without work is useless….” And Galatians said,you shall reap whatever you sow,

That simply means that for you to obey God you must do your everyday work, your career, your business and everything that you desire in a way that portrays Christ Jesus as author and finisher of your faith.
So brethren, God’s will is for us to have life and have it in abundance,let us obey him and his grace will never depart from us.
Jesus have lived and died for us, leaving us an example to follow, we cannot not remain in sin for his forever, its a time to obey him..this book of law shall never depart from your mouth, meditate on it day and night..the word of God is your authority as a child of God.
2)Do not judge so that you won’t be judged Matthew7:1: what judging here means is that you shouldn’t condemn anyone, before you do that, put yourself in the persons shoes, you can condemn what he did, but not the person that did it, knowing that if you are in the same condition as the person,you might do worse than him.
Mysteriously,what we see in others is ourself. We are what we think of others,God beckons on us to be tolerable, we are all different, act differently, grew up in different environment, let us learn to see and treat people the way they should be rather than the way they are.
Condemning people have not really minimize crimes and attrocities, the reverse is always the case. Before you separate fight,first of all prevent quarrel.
Pray for people you think they are not doing well,help them grow,the world would have been a better place if prisons were social institutions of learning, rehabilitation center, where social offenders will be people will be given guidance , direction and a program of opportunity.

To correct their mistakes, undergo psychological training,and come out to be a better person,but most people who have been to prison normally end up committing crimes worse than what made him enter their earlier. Pray for one another..
3)Love your neighbor as your love yourself: who are you? , Why are you in this world, what is your worth?.. many people claim they love themselves while they don’t even know whom they are, and what they can do.
You know, no one will look down on you without your permission. Your opinion about yourself and what you believe about yourself is what really matter in this life.
Whatever you consistently and persistently attaches the word ” I am” to that’s what you are. I am a success, winner,loser,the best, great etc that’s exactly who you are.
You must learn to appreciate yourself, encourage yourself, be there for yourself, because you are all you’ve got.
It is when you have equipped and developed yourself that you can actually do that for others. Jesus taught us to remove the plank in our eyes before removing the toothpick In the other person’s eyes.
My brothers and sisters, the will of God for us is of good and not of evil,then the question is what is your own dream, plan, will and vision for your self. If you can see it in your mind, you can have it in your hand.. just have to be yourself and grow with any little opportunity you have.
In summary, to live happily and still make heaven,you must learn to obey God, pray for your friends and enemies, this people we see as our enemies are people challenging us to be ourselves,when people tell you is not possible,it can’t be done,is the more you should be absolutely determined to prove them wrong. Love yourself,take care of yourself, wish yourself well, encourage yourself, and never give up on yourself..you are all you have got, there is nothing impossible except the ones we accept as impossible,you just have to find a way to it..if your mind can conceive it, your heart believe it, then you can achieve it..thank you.

True happiness

Everyone in this life wants to be happy. Everyone wants to be respected and value.The easiest way of being happy is to make another person happy. Treat anyone as you would want people to treat you. You can’t buy happiness, money can’t make you happy if actually you don’t use it to put a smile on people’s face. In other words,for you to be truly happy you must learn to give,share with people around you. According to the book of Romans 12:13,share with the Lord’s people who are in need, “practice hospitality”.

Charity : this is the giving without remembering ,it is not giving for the sake of giving but because it is necessary and for the very best of the receiver. Blessed charity is done to open door for oneself, it is best done when you don’t really have enough. It is best way of being a practical Christian.

James 2: 14-17 , made it clear that faith without work is dead. He asked,suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to them ,Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,but does nothing about their physical needs,what good is it? In the same way faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action is dead. Charity is the expression of ones faith. We are all here for all of us. What ever you have that others don’t have , do not hesitate to help. We are in the era when someone will be drowning instead of helping him, people will be taking selfie of him. In whatever you are doing in this life never forget these words from Hebrews 6:10,God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.in luke3:10-11,the crowd asked ,what should we do then?, John answered, anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same. This is all we need to be happy and be a good Christian..

Forgiveness: this is the act of letting go of anything that someone did to hurt your ego. It is the best revenge your enemy can get or least expected from you. Forgiveness is the only way of avoiding stress related illnesses, it lightens life burdens. If you want to be happy,learn how to forgive yourself and others. It will make your path straight and make you flourish in life.

Lawrence stern said, only the brave know how to forgive…A coward never forgives,it is not in his nature, happiness is a choice ,it is what we decide in advance. Learn to forgive so that you can be forgiven..if God should count our inquity ,who shall stand before him..No one!

Lastly ,to be happy never compare yourself without anyone, instead compare yourself with what you are capable of becoming that you have not really achieved. Our paths may cross, but your lane is your lane. No one was ever great trying to be another person. You are you..and that’s what makes you special. Once you discover yourself,use it to serve God and humanity,don’t waste your life trying to be another person. Don’t expect anything from anyone,you are responsible for your own life. He who chooses the beginning of a road ,choose where it leads to. There is a way to everything,you just have to find out what you can do best and put all your might in it..failure is a path of least persistence..be yourself ,help others ,learn to forgive and always remember that you are not impeccable too,so in the journey of life it is better to travel light..unraven all your grudges and you will be happy and healthy. Be positive and never stop doing good to people…no matter how little it is ,learn to put a smile on people’s face and smile will never leave your own face.

Life

Life is an opportunity, given to us by God to serve him and humanity;

The idea was to use things of vanity to gain happiness in enternity;

To change people’s life through prayers and charity;

To be less of verbal Christians and do more of practical Christianity;(obodoechi onuora James)

Thank you never stop being positive!!

The power within

One of the weakness of a man is his inability to discover himself. The first step of succeeding in life is mastering your self. Accepting your self the way you are, knowing that you are fearfully and wonderfully made.

In every seed there is a tree;

In every bird, a flock;

In every fish a school;

In every boy a man;

In every girl a woman; in every nation a generation.

Tragedy strikes when a tree dies in a seed, a man in a boy, a woman in a girl, an idea in a mind. For untold millions, vision die unseen, songs die unsung, plan die unexecuted and future die buried in the past.(Munroe)

This is so true as many of us don’t know the power (potentials) in us,many at times we wish we are another person. According to proverb 23:7, if you can conceive it, you can do it(if you can think it, you can do it). This is the power am talking about. The power we possess as a child of God. in letter of st Paul to the phillipians 4: 13, you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. You have the power to do anything and Jesus is the authority upon which you can exercise that power. In John 4:4, greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world. You have everything you need to succeed. You just have to discover it, discover yourself..ask your self, who am I? If you are able to answer this question,then you are surely going to make it.

A child of God can only be defeated when he stops praying. Bible said we should pray without season. In whatever you do , put me first then I direct your path ( proverb 3:5-6). a prayerful child of God is a powerful child of God, a prayerless child of God is a powerless child of God. The power within is activated with prayer. Let’s look at what happened in the book of Ezekiel chapter 37, the valley of dry bones,the spirit of God ,led Ezekiel to this valley, and God ask him a question, mortal man can these bones live again?? ,God is asking you the same question today, is there anything difficult for me to do? Is it your exams, family issues, financial breakthrough, life of holiness, what is it? The Bible said in mark 10:27 ,there is nothing impossible for God to do,in sirach 10: 21, it is possible for God to make poor man suddenly and instantly rich, Deuteronomy 28:13,you shall be the first and not the last, you shall be above only and not the beneath and he concluded it in Malachi 3:6 I am the lord, I do not change. What was Ezekiel’s answer?,he believed that the bones can live again, only if God say so. God instructed him to prophesy to those bones and he did, the dry bones came back to life. Ezekiel have the power but God gave him the authority to use it. Whatever you do in life don’t live your authority behind. Cut off from me ,you can do nothing,I am the vine and you are my branches.

Believe in yourself today,know that Christ lives in you and that there is nothing impossible for him to do.

What ever you do in life, prepare prayerfully,plan purposefully, proceed positively and pursue persistently.

Prayer.

A divine means of communication;

Between men and God;

A period of heart meditation;

That can melt the strongest rod,

In all that you do,pray;

All your intentions you must declare,

With strong faith in God,it’s clear,

All that you require and desire,

Will be granted unto you by the Messiah.

Never give room to the enemy of prayer;

Sin,so simple but a silent killer,

Appears harmless but very disastrous;

But is powerless compare to your power in the name of Jesus. (James obodoechi).

What

Things to consider before marriage

Virtually every girl wants to get married. Infact from this part of the country once you are up to 18 yrs , suitors will begin to troop in and out of your house. Ministries and some men of God are not even helping matters. All their prophesies are centred on automatic prosperity and happiness..but the truth is whether you believe it or not some people are not marriable. What is your goal of getting married? Is because your mates are all married,you want a name, you want to have your own kids, escape from family problems and shame, correct your mum’s mistake of marrying your father..whatever be your reason of trying to marry ,pause and think on the following things..are you a man or a woman, what thought have you had before trying to settle down? Ponder on these few points..
1) are you an asset or a liability: many women out there are liabilities to their husbands because the husband have everything they want or need, they tend to forget their own goal in life. You don’t contribute to the welfare of the family. The man is the head of the family but the wife is the neck, without the support of the neck ,do you think the head will achieve anything or even do well?
Make yourself an asset. Make your spouse value you. Don’t plan to be a full time house wife..get a job that can help you be close to your children,you can be a teacher, nurse, doctor etc don’t allow your own dream to die because you get married or because you want to marry a rich man.

Help your spouse grow in whatever he or she is doing..have the mindset of improving your spouse. Don’t marry because you want to be free from stress, life heaviest burden is to have nothing to carry. Before you get married , evaluate yourself and know whether you are an asset or a liability to yourself and the person you want to marry.. whether you are a man or a woman.
2)what kind of parent will you be: many people don’t know that you decide in advance the kind of parent(s) you will be to your children. Will you be the type that curses them the way your own parents did to you?, forgetting how you felt those days your parents do call you names. Many parents are the reason why their children didn’t go far in life. According to Micheal and Debi Pearl, children need a mother who teaches them, not a teacher who doesn’t have the emotional energy to mother them; young men need a father who teaches them to work, not a father too busy working to teach them. The best schooling for children is a good home life not a home that is all school.
If you grew up under parents who doesn’t care.. decide to care for your own children, if your parents treated you well ,be more to your children. Never compare your child with anyone, everyone is unique and different in their own way. Determine to be a good parent to your children to come and a good spouse to your partner to come too. Don’t make your children scared of saying the truth.

Most of the mistakes our parents made and some are still making is punishing their children when they say the truth and warning them when they lie. Without training a child first, discipline is insufficient. Training is the conditioning of the child’s mind before the crisis arises. Training is not discipline, discipline only occurs when we fail to train our children.
3) what do you have for your spouse?: This is a very important question everyone should ask his or her self. In the olden days virginity was a virtue every woman works to keep but in this present generation it is lack of opportunity. How do you expect to build trust when you have lost your dignity. You won’t blame anyone though because many things are happening now that was not happening in the olden days but you still have to be yourself,know what you want, develop self control and self respect..make yourself adorable and respectful. Don’t be like every other person. The two quick ways to failure is taking nobody’s advice and taking everybody’s advice. Many people are still virgins because of their attitude- remember your attitude determines your altitude, it doesn’t end in not knowing a man. If you are a virgin but a nagging wife or husband you will end up destroying your marriage..oh how wonderful it will be that you are a virgin spouse with a good attitude. It doesn’t really ends in being a virgin, you must be a woman of substance, industrious woman, responsible man, caring and understanding father.

Have a surprise package for your spouse, determine to be everything worthwhile to him or her.
4)what does marriage mean to you?:if you enter marriage because you want to be free from family stress, you want to change class, and so on..all of them are good but the main essence of marriage is procreation. Marriage is the avenue for continuing God’s work of creation. It is an opportunity of making life. Marriage is entirely different friendship.. though friendship is necessary in marriage because it is what keeps you and spouse together during the time of stress in marriage. Marriage is a task and as such it is not a dance a child dances with snuff in his hands. Think deeply before venturing into it. Marriage was not created to be divorced, so nothing like, let me try and if it not working out, I will quit. Now that you are single is the best time to think about what you really need in your marriage. Be more concern about the character of your supposed spouse than his or her wealth. Find out what you mean to your suppose spouse,read the warning signs. Don’t marry to divorce..think it through. Thank you.

Marriage is not for everyone

Marriage is the union between a man and a woman who comes together and live as husband and wife, thus becoming one. Marriage is not an ordinary contract rather it is a divine covenant. There is no perfect man made for any woman or perfect woman made for any man. The prayer of every person is for God to give us the right person but there are things God can’t do for us..and it is the things we can do for ourselves. It is good to pray but there are principles you must obey ,imbibe and look out for before you propose or you say yes..these principles can’t do without each other.

principles of marriage

According to Oxford dictionary, principles are the truth or general law that is used as a basis for a theory or system of belief. In other words, principles of marriage are the law that guides marriage.

Love: love have been wrongly defined and understood by recent generation. Love have been taken to mean selfishness instead of selflessness. In the book of John 3:16, Jesus showed us the act of true love. For every marriage to work out there must be love- love here means the ability to see in your partner what others cannot see in him or her, the ability to look beyond the physical beauty. You infatuate when what you feel for your spouse is mainly physical. Accepting your spouse flaws and not trying to change him or her according to your own desire,how it will suit you-is what love is all about. Beauty is not that you see with your eyes, it is seen with the mind. You don’t fall in love ,you grow into it. People that fell in love don’t usually stay in love . Material things don’t bring love, kindness, sacrifice, patience, charity are the elements of true love. Love is an expression ,it has to be shown ,is not something you keep in your mind and only you can feel it. Love is patient and it doesn’t end ,so if you love him or her and later you don’t love him..you have never loved him. Be the love you want to see in your marriage. Love is like plant it grows on a fertile soil of quarrel, it’s manure is misunderstanding, to disagree to agree is it’s rainfall but it grows to surpass all these things..when you try to avoid all these things you will never get the love you want. We don’t lose by loving , we lose by holding back..
Principle of understanding: this is the ability to see from the other person’s point of view. It is the acknowledgement of the fact that you too is not perfect. Understanding begots forgiveness. It is the ability to know that sometimes misunderstanding is needed for good understanding. True understanding is the ability to see, judge and act. Before you judge anybody take a walk on his shoes. St Augustine when ever he sees a mad man or a beggar ,his exact words are ” this is Augustine if not by grace of God. People are different,act differently ,think differently;the only thing that differentiated us from animals is our ability to reason. Men and women are completely different in their approach to issues, what will keep you married is the understanding of these differences. Women talk about their problems,that is their own way of relieving themselves of their stress,men don’t talk about theirs until they get solution to it.. problem strikes when the woman wants the man to be like her or vice versa..so there is need for proper understanding of your spouse, study him or her,that is the essence of courtship.
Faithfulness: before you can be faithful to someone you must first of all be faithful to yourself.life is understood backwards but must be lived forward. Same is applied in marriage. Your experiences before you get married should not be brought into your marriage. Faithfulness works with the Golden rule: do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. You don’t gain anything by cheating. Proverb admonishes us thus: the lips of another man’s wife may be as sweet as honey and her kisses as smooth as olive oil. But when it is all over, she leaves you nothing but bitterness and pain. She will take you to the world of the dead,the road she walks is the road to death.(proverb 5vs3-14). These applies to both men and women,the grass appears greener on the other side. Instead of going there, change the way you look at or see your marriage and your marriage will change. Remain faithful you don’t gain anything by cheating..
Trust. Don’t get married to anyone you don’t trust. If you can’t say to some extent what your spouse can do ; then why marrying him or her. Trust is the confidence or reliance you have on someone or something..the believe that you know what your spouse is capable of doing. You can’t trust anyone if you too is not reliable except when he or she have given you reason not to trust again. Always develop trust for someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and don’t break trust because it is hard to retrieve once lost. If you can obey this four principles and add other virtues to it , then marriage is for you ,but if you can’t be patient enough to apply this principles.. marriage is not for you. In summary, marriage is not something you rush into; money is not one of the foundamentals of marriage ( topic for another day) but is necessary. Before you reap..LOOK!!! Thank you