In the olden days — mgbe enu bu ana osa, mgbe ezi di n’ukwu ukwa — marriage was a thing of joy.
It united villages, ended wars, and reconciled land disputes — all because the institution of marriage was respected and held in high regard.

Proper inquiries were made on both sides, with the welfare of the spouses being top priority. Everything was done in an orderly manner. Elders would nominate young men and women to carry out background checks on the potential bride or groom.

They asked important questions:

• Who is his father?
• What does he do?
• What is their family known for?
• What illnesses run in the family?
• Are we in any way related?

When seeking a woman’s hand in marriage, you came with elders, not with friends or playmates.

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Where Are We Today?

Marriage, love, and commitment have become transactional.
Frivolities now take center stage — physical appearance, body structure, and the illusion of wealth.

No one asks questions about:

• Character
• Personality
• Family background

Today, it’s no longer about culture or the welfare of the couple. It’s about buying and selling.
You hear things like:

“I’m off the market.”
“Wedding louder than marriage.”

Obodo emebigo. Ihe ka nte abakwutego ya na onu.
(The land is corrupt; something bigger than the squirrel has entered the trap.)

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The Marriage List Madness

Some marriage lists these days are horrendous and threatening.
People spend their life savings on marriage ceremonies and have nothing left for the actual marriage. There’s an overwhelming desire for conspicuous consumption and public validation, which has affected both the young and the old.

A Word of Caution:

Onye kapra ntu ahuhu siri ngwere biala oriri
(He who brings ant-infested firewood invites lizards to a feast.)

Do not give your daughter’s hand in marriage based on your own interests, ignoring her happiness.
Remember:

Isi kote ebu o gbaa ya
(The head that attracts bees must live to bear the sting.)

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Dear Young Men and Women

Do not allow your parents to use you to correct their mistakes or fulfill their ambitions.

Listen to their advice — yes — but also pay attention to the actions of the person you want to spend your life with.

As Socrates said:

“The quality of an educated mind is its ability to entertain a thought without accepting it.”

Make proper inquiries.
Do not base your commitment on physical qualities alone.

Focus on:

• Actions, not just words
• Personality and values
• Building standards for yourself

Learn to embrace the virtue of delayed gratification.
Marriage is an adventure — you’ll meet many hurdles along the way.

Go with someone who can hold your hand and say:

“Keep your head up.”

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Before You Say Yes…

Ask yourself:

If I’m down with a condition or lose my looks, will this person stay?

And to the men:

Emotion is not weakness, but be logical. Be realistic. Beauty fades.
Always listen to your head when making a lifetime decision.

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In Conclusion

Ndi beanyi, onye mara asu, osu n’odu. Imaghi asu, isu n’ala.
Nti ga anu ihe agahi aha ka okpu ata.

(He who knows how to speak, speaks with wisdom. He who doesn’t, speaks foolishly. The ear will hear what the mouth cannot say.)

I remain your friend and brother,
Onuora Obodoechi
The Motivational Teacher