Before you say I do beware of 💔

Heartbreaks

Believe it or not, there is high rate of family disunity, relationship breakdown and most painfully the abandonment of spouse in the case of challenges or disability. Today, a woman shared a story of how her husband divorced and went away with their children after finding out about her stage 3 cancer diagnosis. Morality would suggest that the lady in question will be supported by her husband more than ever in this critical moment of her life but to her greatest surprise the man flee from her, what a shame. After hearing of these stories one could not help but wonder what has happened to the love for humanity, to the essence of being humane. I was deeply touched by the above story, I reflected on other scenarios when people are left to die on their own in hospitals or even on the street. Obviously there are reasons why people might abandon someone they truly love or claim to love. One would argue that it is a case of decision(s) we take before settling down as seen in some other cases where spouse or partner leave for no obvious reason – just the person’s personality that was unseen by the victim. Then the question would be, what might lead to this and how to avoid it.

In my opinion, I think the major cause of people being abandoned is because priority are placed on transient qualities for lack of better words. This simply means that many people place emphasis on material form of relationship -immediate gratifications. By material form I mean, beauty, wealth, body shape, status , profession etc which can change with circumstances rather than focusing on people’s personality, values, principles and in understanding his or her coping mechanism- how he or she handles stress. Some people live a life of “No skin pain”.

Material things or qualities are good and necessary but they are secondary, seek first to know someone and every other things can be achieved. So if you don’t want to be a lonely old man or woman be realistic in what you want. Stop looking for a saint in the skin of a sinner. A good girl in a body of a prostitute. Also learn to listen to people because words are heart seen, look before you reap for you are a product of the decision you make or did not make . Be sure of what guides or directs your decision, the basis of your decision is as important as the decision itself. Your ability to distinguish between want and need in relationship will actually save you in the long run.

Another reason people end in this quagmire often termed relationship is the false belief that he or she will change with time. There is no such thing as changing in marriage or when he or she begins to have children. People can change, don’t get me wrong but optics and your heart won’t lie to you if you listen to them. Also what will people say is another hook that has held people in a bad relationship,always put yourself first because if anything happens to you, you will be replaced. Make sure you are living your life for yourself and stay where you feel valued and loved, never force anyone to love you.

Finally love is a beautiful feeling, but is not enough on it’s own when making a life time commitment. Be sure your partner will be there for you when the going gets tough and you, be sure to commit to someone you will stand by when you don’t see the beauty, the shape , the wealth anymore. Look beyond physical appearances when trying to settle down, forget what he or she says and listen carefully to their actions. It is no lie that actions speaks louder than voice, prevention is better than cure. Taa bu gboo! In my dialect ( it is never too late to start again though it might not be right but check if it is necessary)

Thank you.