There is a disturbing observation I have made, and that is the competitive attitude of the typical African man. The competition itself is not the issue; my major concern is where and at what rate it occurs.
I was having a conversation yesterday with a colleague when she told me about a friend who works different jobs. By that, I mean he only gets to rest once a week.
It is clear that he is struggling to keep up. One might be tempted to describe it as hustling, as we often call it. He was already working very hard, which in itself is not a bad thing. However, it became disturbing when she mentioned that he was doing all this because he wanted to have a wedding worth ₦50 million.
The hall alone is ₦10 million, while the total cost, excluding logistics, is close to ₦40 million.
The only reason he is doing all this is because he wants to show people that he has made it.
There is nothing wrong with spending the money you have made, but my concern is the culture we embrace while, at the same time, blaming our leaders when they buy private jets instead of renovating schools and hospitals.
This competition has also trickled down into families. Husbands and wives are now competing over who is going to earn more instead of working together. While this might seem like thriving on the surface, what lies beneath it can be a lack of trust, insecurity, and low self-esteem.
This culture of validation is also evident all over social media, where people post their daily activities, children, and family lives just to seek other people’s approval.
Sometimes, we don’t even realise that we are doing these things. We major in minor things. We focus on frivolities and neglect the substantial things that truly matter.
A wedding is good, but the marriage itself is more important. What exactly are you trying to prove? Many people are still repaying loans they took to finance marriages that have already ended.
When brothers gather, the questions often begin: What are you doing now? I have done this. I have achieved that.
This is part of the reasons there is so much pressure on young people.
“Oh! My mates are driving the latest cars, and I am still trekking.”
A simple statement like this has contributed to the desperation of many young people, and in some cases, has placed unbearable pressure on their parents because their children want to make it very quickly.
Before I forget, I have also noticed how quick we are to claim other nationalities rather than embrace our own identity. There is an ongoing debate about becoming a citizen of a country after living there for many years, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, to begin arguing that you are now indigenous to the land simply because of a piece of paper and the number of years you have lived there raises questions about identity and belonging.
My people, let us prioritise unity and cooperation. Let us learn to live within our means.
The truth is that most of the things we struggle to acquire today are not worth sacrificing our lives for.
On a wider scale, we see this competition among African countries. South Africa, instead of working with her brothers to strengthen the continent, has at various times seen hostility towards other Africans, including efforts to drive some out. On the other hand, countries such as Kenya have taken different approaches and recognised the importance of African unity.
There are counterfeit and fake products everywhere because people are competing at the expense of other people’s lives. You simply want to make it at all costs.
Marriages are in shambles because of unhealthy competition. Families are under pressure. Young people are becoming desperate. Communities are divided.
The list goes on.
But the earlier we begin to work together, the better it will be for our families, communities, and nations.
Competition in itself is not bad. It can motivate us to improve, grow, and achieve more. However, the unhealthy utilisation of competition is what becomes destructive.
Unity and cooperation are among the first tools we need to liberate our minds. We seriously need to prioritise what we want for ourselves, our families, our country, and the world at large.
Let us learn to celebrate one another without feeling the need to outdo one another.
Let us learn to succeed without making another person’s success a threat to our own.
Be your brother’s keeper.
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.
