It was in the early hours of Saturday morning, at approximately 6 a.m., that neighbours gathered around Eric’s corner of the apartment. The children were crying in the background, while Mama Chikamso could be heard hurling insults and calling Eric names.
Sometimes, it is difficult to understand where the malice or anger people have towards you originated.
This was Eric’s account as he narrated that he and his wife had spent the entire night chatting and laughing before eventually falling asleep. He could not understand the sudden change in her demeanour or the name-calling. He was as upset as he was scared.
“What is this?” he questioned himself.
Mama Chikamso was not backing down. She insisted on going back to her father’s house and boldly declared that the marriage was over.
Everyone tried to intervene and ascertain what had gone wrong, but she was determined not to say anything. She eventually left with her children.
Eric was left alone in his house, surrounded by confusion and questions. Rumours had already begun to spread that his wife had left him. He sat down and attempted to call his in-laws but eventually decided to go there in person.
He arrived about 30 minutes after his wife had narrated her concerns to her family.
She said she wanted a divorce because people she trusted had told her that Eric had been sleeping with his secretary.
This was the first time Eric had heard of the allegation.
She also accused him of not giving her enough attention because, according to her, other activities were more important to him than she was. Everyone was taken aback when she stated that her husband had only been with her because of the children and therefore cherished them more than he cherished her.
All these accusations and more were levelled against Eric without any substantial evidence.
Eric assured her that he was not having an affair with his secretary and that he would love her regardless of whether they had children or not. He reminded her that their children were products of the love they shared, not the reason for their relationship.
She insisted that she wanted out and asked him to choose. As far as she was concerned, she had already chosen to have the children, the car, and the apartment.
Eric said, “You can have all that if it will make you happy.”
And when he was asked to choose, he chose her.
It was at this point that she realised the point Eric had been trying to make all along.
Family is a unit, and the idea that you exist outside your immediate family is a fallacy that has produced competitive partners instead of cooperative ones.
It is the unification of masculine and feminine energy that creates stability. Just like in electricity, like charges repel, while opposite charges attract.
The story above illustrates the danger of a single narrative and, in my view, is a classical example of what many women are asking of men today.
The truth is that the clarion call for freedom, independence, and opportunity to thrive has, in some cases, been presented in a way that deceives women into believing that someone is preventing them from attaining a certain height in life. And, in many cases, the finger is pointed at their partners.
Perhaps you have heard these phrases:
“Marriage will cage you.”
“Marriage will kill your dream.”
“You ought to pay me pushing fee or gift.”
Whatever that marketing strategy is called, ask yourself: what right do men have in the world today that women do not have?
There is none.
So, one of the most important decisions anyone can make is to choose a partner who understands the meaning of friendship, teamwork, family, and cooperation. This is one of the ways people find fulfilment.
I recently watched a clip of a young lady who was raised by a single mother. She became a feminist and climbed to the top of her career. She bought a house and accomplished everything largely on her own, believing that she did not need a man for anything.
According to her, it was only after she had accomplished all these things that she realised she needed a family. She wanted her children to have what she did not have, and it was at that point that she understood the meaning and importance of being fulfilled.
There may be money, a house, influence, and independence, but what does it mean when you are not fulfilled or have someone with whom to enjoy them?
I know there are other means of getting pregnant without having to be with a man, but have you thought about the child who will be born in such circumstances? That child will eventually grow up and learn the truth.
What then becomes of that child—their sanity, identity, and perception of life?
“I am sorry” does not take away the pain, loss, and rejection that can come from a single decision made under societal influence and hurt.
My point, in a nutshell, is for you to understand that family is very important in fulfilling one’s life.
Therefore, dare to overcome your hurt. Heal. Determine to derive joy and happiness from the faces of your little ones, knowing that they get to experience what you did not.
If having a family is your dream and goal, you must be intentional about choosing someone who will spend the rest of your life with you—someone you can build and grow with.
Do not lose someone who cherishes and loves you because you are afraid of being abandoned. Heal from your past, commit to self-development, and believe me, marriage and relationships can be good.
Do not be discouraged by those who are being swayed by the new societal wave of independence, just like Mama Chikamso. Instead, decide to choose what matters most to you because you deserve happiness.
The choices you make today will either comfort you tomorrow or confront you. Do not allow people with false narratives to prevent you from building a healthy family for yourself, your partner, and your children.
Be fruitful and multiply my dear, don’t mind those with population-control ideology, maka na onye siri nwata jide nkakwu ga enye ya mmiri o ga e ji kwucha aka. (He who gave a child a mouse to hold, will surely provide a washing hand bowel-Igbo proverb).
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi
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