There is an obvious struggle today when it comes to the position of men in families and relationships. There has been a rise in domestic violence as some men attempt to exert authority in unhealthy ways within their homes and relationships. Today, we are going to examine what has led to increasing frustration among men in relationships and why many women keep asking their husbands to “be a man.”
The Traditional Man
First, let us look at the traditional man in older societies.
During the era of our grandparents and parents, the yardstick used to measure a man was his ability to provide, protect, and make decisions for the family. Women depended mainly on their husbands to make most family decisions. Their major roles were to care for the home, look after the children, and tend to their husbands’ needs.
During this time, men handled almost everything. A woman who lost her husband often had to seek protection from other men, or else she and her children would suffer greatly. The traditional man was seen as a strong and dominant figure whom everyone respected and behaved well around whenever he returned home.
Before anything reached the family, the father had already handled it.
Men at that time saw provision, protection, and responsibility as the primary roles of a man, while women were expected mainly to obey and support the man’s decisions. Even in rare situations or cultures where women ruled as queens, men were still considered the pillars that protected the kingdom.
The Shift
The change began when men went to war and industries previously managed by men were successfully run by women. In some cultures where women were once forbidden from attending school, some fathers began educating their daughters.
Stories were told that only lazy men who could not farm or hunt were sent to school—meaning such men were once placed in the same category as women. However, society evolved.
The creation of police forces, laws, and basic human rights made it possible for everyone to access quality education regardless of gender. Acquiring education created opportunities for decent jobs, awareness of personal rights, and the confidence to fight for those rights.
Society and the Confusion
Society unintentionally created systems and laws that reduced many of the traditional roles men once held.
In the past, men were seen as protectors, but now the police, military, and security agencies perform those duties more effectively. Men were once expected to be the sole providers, but today many women have jobs and careers before they even get married. Women are now educated, financially independent, and capable of making decisions for themselves.
The confusion began because many men were not prepared for this transition, and the changes came without clear guidance on how men should adapt and grow within the new system.
The men who struggle the most are those who tie their worth and manhood solely to their roles, wealth, or social status. They are still operating with an old mentality in a new world.
Today, many men struggle to command the respect of women in the same way previous generations did. Likewise, when a woman becomes successful, she may also struggle in relationships because many men judge themselves based on their financial status and conclude that they are not in her league.
The Solution: What You Need to Know as a Man
It is important to understand that the roles of protection, provision, procreation, and logical reasoning alone do not make you a man. They may make you male, but they do not define true manhood.
Also, instructing a woman to obey you does not automatically give you authority over her. The world has changed, and many traditional roles can now be performed by anyone.
What truly differentiates a man from merely being male is purpose.
Find your purpose. Prioritize your vision and life mission. A woman who believes in your vision will naturally remain loyal and emotionally connected to you.
What a real man brings into a family is not just money, but substance: protection, emotional security, leadership, discipline, and principles.
It does not matter if your wife becomes the president or earns more money than you. What matters most is that you are pursuing a meaningful purpose that attracted her to you in the first place.
In Summary
Do not lower your standards simply because your financial status does not yet match your expectations for a wife. Instead, improve yourself by developing your vision, purpose, and character.
The woman who sees your value, principles, and sense of purpose will feel emotionally secure with you. Anyone who constantly competes with you in unhealthy ways may simply not be meant for you.
Almost everything a male traditionally did can now be replaced or assisted by modern systems and technology—even conception and intercourse are increasingly influenced by science and machines. However, the one thing that can never be replaced is your sense of purpose, vision, and identity.
Be a man.
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi
Pen it down. 