It is important to highlight that the values and roles traditionally performed by men in the old culture, such as protection, provision, and decision-making are still very relevant. What has changed, however, is that men are no longer the sole providers, protectors, or decision-makers in many homes today.
Many men are struggling to accept this reality, especially when some women still attach leadership solely to roles or financial status and use it to belittle them. For instance, when some women begin to earn more than their husbands, they may feel they have automatically become the leaders of the home, and therefore expect their husbands to assume roles traditionally associated with wives.
This idea is often presented as freedom and independence for women, but very few people ask: freedom and independence from whom, and from what?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man deciding to cook or do household chores for his family. The issue lies in the mindset or perception behind it especially when such actions are forced by disrespect, manipulation, or unhealthy expectations.
It is often in these situations that a man’s innate nature and ego are challenged. Some men, understanding the danger of allowing conflict to destroy their homes, seek counsel and guidance early. Others, however, allow emotions to get the better of them and end up losing themselves and their families in the process. Sadly, it is usually the children who pay the ultimate price through emotional and psychological trauma.
Therefore, the new culture demands maturity and self-control from both men and women in relationships. Being a husband should not be measured solely by how much a man contributes financially. A man’s leadership and manhood should not be defined only by his ability to provide, but also by his ability to be a loving father and supportive husband to his wife and children.
Some may ask: how can a man effectively be a father or husband if he cannot adequately provide for his family?
The truth is that many children who grew up without the presence of either their father or mother often carry a deep emotional vacuum, even when the remaining parent provided them with a comfortable life. In many cases, you hear statements like:
“I didn’t grow up with my father. I didn’t have a male figure in my life to teach me what to look out for in a man as a young girl.”
The same applies to boys who grow up without proper parental guidance.
This proves that the presence of a loving father in the home provides emotional and psychological security for children. I place emphasis on fathers because many of them are gradually being replaced or pushed aside, and when a man loses his sense of purpose and direction, families and eventually society begin to suffer.
The overall point of this post is to encourage our lovely ladies to appreciate and respect their men, regardless of income differences or educational exposure. Many men sacrificed and worked hard to help their wives become academically and professionally successful, only to later feel looked down upon by the very women they supported.
At the same time, this is also a wake-up call to men who have stopped developing themselves simply because they have hardworking wives. Remember, she is still a woman, and there is only so much stress she can endure. She still wants to be loved, cherished, appreciated, and emotionally supported by her man. Do not make the mistake of assuming that because she works hard, she no longer desires affection and care.
Finally, men and women no longer live together merely for survival as was common in olden times. Today, the foundation of many relationships is happiness, intimacy, companionship, and passion. These qualities go far beyond physical intimacy; they are rooted in kindness, consideration, emotional presence, active listening, and purposeful living.
Men, stop defining your manhood solely by what you do or provide. Rules alone do not make you a man, and you do not need a wife to validate your masculinity.
You are a man regardless of your status, as long as you live purposefully.
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi.
Pen it down. 