There is no person more dangerous than someone who expects to live a life they were unable to build for themselves. Such people expect others to meet standards they themselves could not meet.
Once you are in the same space with them, you begin to notice a mindset driven by grandiosity and distorted perceptions, often rooted in a sense of lack. In such situations, you become merely a means to an end for their preconceived intentions.
Recently, I watched a podcast where people discussed gender roles in relation to family, relationships, and marriage. Listening to the conversation, one could only wonder what kind of society we are gradually drifting into with all these conflicts of interest in relationships today.
Now, some people demand “payment” for conceiving and bearing children, simply because they believe children belong only to the husband. Just imagine such a thought process. Is it not troubling that someone would emotionally distance themselves from their own family?
What could be more disturbing than a mother seeing her husband and children as separate entities from herself and proudly expressing such ideas on social media?
I am not against appreciating one’s partner. However, I am against entitlement and the false perception of being separate from your family.
There is nothing wrong with desiring a better life for oneself. The problem begins when people fail to appreciate that someone is giving them opportunities or support they could not provide for themselves. In many cases, it is this sense of entitlement and the belief that privilege is a right that creates the internal and external conflicts we see in relationships today.
Sadly, it is becoming increasingly common among African men and women to tear each other down publicly. We are gradually operating like people without culture or tradition.
Some women want a traditional African man who provides and cares for the family, yet reject the important role African mothers traditionally played in holding the family together. They want to work and earn money, which is good, but some also believe their income should never contribute to the family because “the man is meant to provide.”
The truth is that many people on social media who claim to teach others about relationships are speaking from places of pain and personal hurt rather than from wisdom, culture, or balanced understanding. Today, people discuss marriage and relationships based only on feelings, rights, and social trends while neglecting cultural values and even spiritual principles.
Some time ago, I spoke about emotional detachment and bias, where I highlighted the importance of building your immediate family without neglecting where you come from.
I want to say this clearly: once the meaning of family, marriage, and relationships is destroyed, society itself will begin to collapse.
Many people think the growing fear of commitment among responsible men and women does not concern them, until their own children grow up in a society filled with broken homes and emotionally wounded people raised by broken parents.
This is not an attempt to blame anyone. Rather, it is a plea for people to seek professional help when they are hurt instead of constantly attacking one another.
As a woman, a man who truly cares for and values you will teach you, guide you, listen to you, and stand by you willingly. It is a mistake to believe that constant drama or emotional instability will make a man stay loyal or committed. Everyone, especially men, needs peace of mind.
As a woman, you have the ability to create peace and emotional safety in your home. You may not always know how to love perfectly, but you can create an environment where your man feels safe enough to think, grow, and build.
Reinvent yourself. Build values. Be careful who you listen to. The painful truth is that many people who constantly speak about independence and rights often end up lonely because they neglect the importance of emotional connection, understanding, and family.
And to the men: let us value and protect our women. We owe it to our children and families to be responsible and productive. Most importantly, learn to choose what you need over what you merely want when selecting a wife and mother for your children.
My submission, therefore, is that we should return to our traditional family values while also embracing the good values from other cultures. However, we must eliminate the mentality that everything foreign is automatically superior or authentic.
Many people grow old lonely and full of regret because of poor choices they made when they were younger. As our people wisely say, “It is the firewood you gather during the dry season that will sustain you during the rainy season.”
Finally, to those who have genuinely been good to their partners and children yet received hurt, insults, blame, and rejection in return, keep your head up. Remember, it is often worse for those who lack self-love and appreciation for others.
Move on and find happiness, because we all deserve to love and be loved. However, let us build relationships intentionally and remain true to the values we desired before entering them.
Whatever you expect from another person, strive to offer it yourself.
Stop the entitlement mentality. Invest in yourself. Build a family you will be proud of, and do it with a committed partner. Refuse to be swayed by the false narratives surrounding unhealthy independence and selfish freedom.
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi
Pen it down. 