I bet you have heard people say words such as “Aku na-esi obi ike” (wealth creates confidence) or “Aka aja aja na-ebute onu mmanụ mmanụ” (hard work begets success).
These were sayings from a time when the measure of a man was not based on his six-pack or how long he could last in bed. These were times when a man’s value was contingent on how well he could provide first for himself before even thinking of getting married.
Wealth creation was measurable and repeatable. People were known for particular skills and crafts, hence names such as Dinta (master of hunting), Diochie (master of palm-wine tapping and trading), and Dimkpa (a master of bravery or a warrior).
You had to become a master of a particular skill before you could attain the position of “Di nwee ụlọ” (master of his home, or what we call a husband today).
This was not a relationship between a master and his servant. A woman was equally recognised for her contribution and partnership. She could be called “Osu di eme” (the husband’s companion and supporter) or “Odoziaku” (one who cares for and sustains her husband’s wealth). Some men even married “Oriaku”—a woman who enjoys the wealth her husband has created.
Women were not objects to be priced or displayed as we sometimes see in today’s culture of the “Baddie.”
It is also clear that marriage and relationships were not based merely on physical appearance as they often seem to be in today’s world. Men are focused on building muscles, while women wear artificial enhancements, hoping to attract what they perceive as the “real” man.
Confusion everywhere.
Anyway, back to the main issue of this conversation.
It is clear that our forefathers and fathers lived their lives based on repeatable values and principles. One would then ask: What happened?
Well, war happened. Colonisation happened. Religious conquest happened.
Although these events caused significant destabilisation in our way of life and reasoning, we managed to retain some aspects of our culture, although one could argue that some of them have been adulterated over time.
However, what we have failed to fully retrieve is our perception of self, our reasoning, and our acceptance of ourselves in all areas of our lives.
The attached picture will be called primitive. Our language will be called local. Our culture will be labelled outdated. Our hairstyle will be described as a sign of naivety.
But perhaps we need to ask ourselves: Who taught us to see ourselves this way?
It is important to acknowledge that war and other existential crises contributed to why many of our parents conditioned us to go to school, get a job, and earn a living. Judged by the circumstances of their time, this was probably the best choice they could make.
However, this is where the issue lies today.
Most of us have remained in that survival mode, which is the lowest level of the ladder, and have refused to see beyond it.
This is the main reason I am writing to you.
Embrace yourself. Remember that you have survived.
Now, start thinking beyond survival. Think about the problems you can solve in order to create not only a life, but also a living.
I understand that we are living in an era where money without a clear source is celebrated, while frivolity is constantly being served to us through our screens by businesses and influencers.
It is therefore necessary that you emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Embrace your culture. Modify it where necessary according to sound human principles. And, most importantly, learn to love other people.
Our ancestors were men and women of integrity. Their resistance, intelligence, resilience, and sacrifices are among the reasons we have the opportunity to exist today.
Many of them hid food seeds in their braids in order to preserve them and ensure that future generations would have access to good, organic food.
Think about that for a moment.
They were not merely trying to survive their own generation. They were thinking about us.
Overall, I want you to know that you are the architect of your existence.
Derive strength from the history of your ancestors, but do not merely admire their past. Learn from it. Build upon it. Correct what needs to be corrected, preserve what deserves to be preserved, and ensure that you leave a safer and better world for the generations yet unborn.
Do not let your generation end with you simply because of the choices you make today.
If it does, then perhaps we must accept some responsibility.
Be mindful of what you listen to. Be mindful of who influences your decisions. Be mindful of the values you adopt simply because society tells you they are desirable.
In the end, remember this:
A woman’s true worth is not found in assuming masculine energy, just as a man’s worth is not found in absorbing feminine energy.
Our value is found in the unique combination of our individual strengths and energies, as designed by God.
Be wise. Be vigilant. Know who you are.
I remain your friend and brother,
Maazi Onuora Obodoechi
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