How to listen with your mind.

Silence can communicate as much information as talking can do, people have always been advised to speak only when it is necessary or when you have something meaningful to say. The truth is that everyone has something to say but it might be out of context, so there is need to think before you act. The bible advised us to be quick to listen but slow to speak emphasis the need to process information before we let it out, because once a word is out, even when taken back the effect have already been felt, words are mind seen.

When I started working as a nurse after graduation one of the matrons called me and said, “dee James, open your eyes, open your ears but close your mouth, if you really want to survive in this work environment,” she gave me the advice based on the environment and the setting we were in then. However it is not in every situation that you keep quiet hence the saying “a closed mouth is a closed destiny”; Nevertheless it is important we listen more not just with our ears but with our minds as well.

we are going to explore how our thoughts, behaviors and attitudes affects our ability to listen effectively, also we will look at perception and understanding and how to apply it in our everyday life to promote good relationship and know why people act out of context some times.

Thoughts begot actions, action and reaction are equal but opposite according to newton third law of motion. it is important to note that environment, religion, experience and society helps to shape how one thinks or act in a given situation. Someone who came from a lovely family and have lived in a developed nations will definitely view life different from someone who have to struggle to eat everyday, this is where understanding comes in, you have to understand that for every person you meet, he or she has his or her peculiar experience that is unique to them. Arguments arises when there is misunderstanding and when everyone is struggling to be heard, you can never take a man’s experience from him, you just have to understand it.

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change. As a man thinketh, so he is, you are what you think about all the time, so for you to actually understand someone you have to first of all understand yourself, control your thoughts to focus on your strength and understand that everyone is a work in progress. Don’t make the mistake of depending on someone to change you, you can seek help yes, but the majority of the work will be done by you. I will share some tips that will help you improve your thinking about yourself and the world around you in the summary paragraph.

Secondly, it is pertinent to understand that behaviors harbor information or unmet needs as well appreciation or gratitude about something. some people don’t talk much but communicates more non-verbally, when you learn to listen with your mind, you will pay more attention to people’s attitudes and behaviors towards you and things. so before you argue or fight with your friend, spouse, child etc.; try to find out why the change in behavior, and listen not just on what they have to say but pay more attention to their expression.

Some behaviors or actions are usually a means to get attention, take for instance, a child that needs the parent attention might start to cry, the adolescents ones might put up a challenging behaviors however often at times, parents result to resentment but if you pay more attention to them, you will realize he or she just need you more than the money or food that you provide. Sometimes it is not our parents fault entirely because nobody knows it all, remember what I said about experience, they must have been suffering all their lives and I have made a vow that their children wont experience same hence the need to communicate with them by trying to ask yourself how you can pass your information without causing any harm to yourself or others.

However what am trying to establish is that behind every behavior that is perceived as negative there is an unmet needs or cry for help, and it is when people focus more on the outer expression of the behaviors that conditions such as depression, divorce, aggression or even suicide sets in but if you Look beyond what people show or say, that is; you have to listen with the intension to understanding the person not to correct, argue or make your point known immediately. Even if you claim to be right, the first to complain or act out should be apologized to first, then explain reasons behind your actions afterwards, when you apologies make sure you back it up with reasons why you acted the way you did and what you have learnt , otherwise apology is not complete.

Another element that constitute effective communication and enhance Good relationship is perception. Perception is simply how you view, interprets, processes things or information, all which will be dependent on your experience, environment, level of education, wit or training. Everyone is right in their own eyes or understanding, so who is wrong?.

people have different ways of expressing their needs, wants or stress. This is unique and varies among individuals, the onus lies on you to learn or develop the habit of treating everyone individually and try as much as possible to understand people’s point of view, you are allowed to disagree but disagree respectfully explaining politely why you disagreed if need be and the context involved.

In summary, listening with your mind is simply treating everyone as a whole not just in parts. it is based on the understanding that we are all unique and different in our ways of thinking, perception and behaviors. The way we perceive things will determine how we will respond to it. The aim of this article is encourage you to think before you act, learn to see things sometimes from your friends, partner, spouse, mother, father, brother, sister etc point of view before making your point or speaking up, by doing so, you will find out how best to handle a situation. Your girlfriend is yelling and crying, your actions will depend on how you analyze it and looking beyond that yelling, to see what could have caused her to do that especially when it is unusual or repetitive.

Recommendation:

Carry out SWOT analysis on yourself, work out your strength( positive attitude) weakness ( negative or challenging behaviors), opportunity ( things available to support you: eg mentor etc.) and Threat ( things that this behaviors especially weakness will affect or cause you lose). the aim of this exercise is to allow you work more on yourself by focusing on your strength and turning your weaknesses into strength.

Develop the attitude of reading books that will help you each day to become better for yourself, believe in yourself and trust in God. Don’t complain no one owns you anything, there is a saying that no one will look down on you without your permission, Teach your partner how to treat your and learn to treat people the way the want to be treated except when it is not in their best interest.

Treat people with respect and always strive to understand people, not always in your own way, when you listen with intention to learn and understand, you will avoid so many arguments, break-ups, and be bold to face Reality shock. THANK YOU.